My Fire, My Hope
by lickANDpromise
Summary: Naruto's world is in pieces and just when it seems that no one cares, one man steps forward. One man who is as charmed by Naruto as the young, golden haired nin is by him. Angsty; hurt/comfort; KakaNaru; Rated M for a good reason
1. Chapter 1

**PAIRING: Kakashi/Naruto (16 Y/O) = main pairing, other pairings may unfold too.**

 **WARNING: Technically underage relations in parts of the world, hurt/comfort, insanely sexual perverse content, graphic as fuck violent depictions, vulgar language, detailed illustrations of abuse.**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto, much to my own chagrin, or any of the character's herein (except any OC's that may pop up).**

 **A/N- So I haven't been on FF or updated it in...like a year? I Haven't had any time to write recently but here is something that I wrote a while back. It started as one of a selection of one-shots that just spiraled out of control. I warn you in advance, I have no idea where the story is going or how often I will be able to update because I** ** _was_** **writing several other stories and am also in medical school currently. I'm going to ask that you please, go back and read the warning above once again...Did you do it? Good! Well, if you've read all this and still want to read on, I welcome you! Enjoy!**

 **Naruto's POV**

I ran, the wind whipping my hair behind me and tearing the breath from my lungs. Fukasaku's words rang endlessly through my mind. Master Jiraiya was dead. He's dead. _Dead, dead, deaddeaddeaddeaddead..._ I shook my head violently with a breathless shout, stumbling and falling to my knees. I sat there for a few minutes panting, desperately trying to breathe past the crushing weight on my chest. My stomach suddenly cramped as if trying to devour itself, growling viciously in a demand for food I didn't have.

I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten, or even thought of food until now, drowning in endless amounts of sake to try and fill the hollow pit inside me. I tipped my head back to the ink black of the night sky. Not a single star could be seen to break up the dark above, the cloud cover too thick. A brilliant flash of lightning crackled through the sky following that thought and moments later I felt the bass rumble of thunder in my chest. I laughed with what air I had and doubled over, wrapping my arms around the consuming pain in my gut while shaking my head. _Even the heavens were weeping._ I thought to myself. It had rained nearly constantly since I had found out about the death of pervy sage with only a few breaks here and there. I could smell the rain on the wind that was picking up around me and welcomed it.

 _He's dead. How could granny do that? How the hell could she allow him to go alone?! She killed him! She'd let him go off to his death! The pervy sage never would have let her do some shit like that! And now he's DEAD!_ I slapped my hands over my ears as if I could tune out the voice within my own head and rocked in place, letting out a low moan. When that didn't shut my thoughts up I flung myself to my feet and into the wind, running as fast as my legs could carry me. I ran until flames scorched my lungs and my vision grayed around the edges, ran until I couldn't feel my legs and my skin was numb from the wind and...rain? When had it begun to rain again? I staggered and fell to my knees in the mud as I rounded a corner and forced myself back to my feet. I took two steps and then fell into one of the vendor stands, knocking what looked like arts and crafts projects to the mud. I heard the voice of a woman yelling indistinctly at me and laughed to myself. The yelling got louder and then a stinging flash across my cheek brought my head up to see the middle age woman yelling into my face from about a foot away, the hand she'd slapped me with still raised.

"You gonna pay for the mess you've made? You drunken lout!" I could see the hatred and distrust in her eyes, those same eyes they all had for me. I let my head droop and fished Gama-chan out of my pouch holding the remainder of my money out to the woman who snatched it free of my hand with a sound of disgust.

"This hardly covers the misfortune of having to talk to _you!_ " I mumbled an apology and then a fist to my face sent me sprawling in the mud while the woman screamed a few obscenities at me along the lines of how useless I was and how she never understood why they let me stay in Konoha. For such a small woman she sure knew how to throw a punch. I dragged myself out of the mud and stumbled from wall to wall, ignoring how everyone moved away from me, ignoring their insults and cold eyes. I stumbled too close to someone and was shoved brusquely onto the muddy street once again. I looked around me for no good reason to find them staring at me like the spectacle I had always been. I slumped in on myself and allowed my pain to consume me knowing no one cared.

 **Kakashi's POV**

I cried silent tears as I watched Naruto from a roof top. I watched the vendor woman send him into the mud with a well placed fist to the jaw. Naruto simply dug himself free of the muck and got to his feet without a word, stumbling like the drunk he'd become this past week from wall to wall until one of the villagers shoved him forcefully away when he came too close. Naruto's legs went out from under him and once again he was in the mud. In that moment I hated them all, including Lady Tsunade.

The hokage had assigned me the heart-wrending task of looking over Naruto after he had withdrawn from his friends, going so far as to attack Shikamaru when the young jonin had gone to comfort him. I shook my head and blinked past the rain pouring into my eyes. Naruto sat in the mud looking around him seeing only what he had always seen, anger and fear of what he was. I watched the boy crumple in upon himself in a display of defeat that I had never seen from my student. My heart broke as he rolled onto his side and simply lay in the mud. I leaped from the roof with murder a serious thought in the front of my mind for the fuckers who passed him, throwing whatever odds and ends they had in their pockets. Naruto never flinched under any of their assaults, used to the abuse. I was shaking with rage by the time I got to him, dropping to my knees beside his very still form. I looked the boy over, taking in all the mud and the torn, disheveled state of what had once been his orange jumpsuit. I saw something out of my peripheral vision, snatching it out of the air before it could hit Naruto, turning my hand over to find a small, sharpened flint stone. I lifted my head and hissed menacingly at the slight figure of the young teenage boy who had aimed such a thing at Naruto's head. The boy scrambled to get away and I ignored them all as I leaned over my poor student.

"Naruto?" I called his name and got no response. After several more attempts and still getting no response I slipped my arm under the boy's shoulders and propped his upper body against my raised knee to find that his eyes were closed. I placed my hand on Naruto's chest and closed my eyes until I could feel the slow beat of his heart and feel the slight rise and fall of his chest. I swore under my breath. He had passed out right here in the street and who knows what would have happened if the hokage hadn't given me this assignment. I stood and used Naruto's arms to haul his limp body up, turning in front of him so I could lift him onto my back. I was so furious that I shook as I leaped onto the roof with the unconscious boy, running swiftly but carefully across the slick building tops. His body felt so frail where it rested against mine and my heart fluttered a little at what I had watched him go through.

I finally swept through the door to the once run down house on the edge of the village that I had renovated and now called my own. I kicked off my own shoes and laid Naruto carefully on the floor, stripping out of my flak-jacket and peeling my shirt off over my head before unhooking all my gear and placing it gently on the floor next to the growing pile of my muddy and wet clothes. I slid to my knees beside Naruto and tugged his shoes off. I was half-way through unzipping his jumpsuit when his eyes flared open wide, revealing the brilliant red of the nine tails within him, the scars on his face darkening as they suddenly deepened. His eyes searched madly around before he found me. I held my hands up showing myself to be unarmed.

"Naruto, it's-" I was cut off as the young boy moved in a blur and I was suddenly pinned to the cold tile as he straddled my waist and snarled into my face from inches away, his fangs protruding in a ferocious snarl.

"Naruto. It's me, Kakashi sensei. Calm down." I stared into those wild eyes and all I saw was the animal. There was no recognition there. I swallowed hard, fighting back my racing pulse, trying to figure out how to defuse the situation. "Naruto, listen to me-" I felt his muscles move before he reared back above me. I barely managed to roll out from under him in time to avoid the fist aimed at my head that smashed several inches into the floor. I scrambled away from him on all fours until I could get my feet under me and fall into a crouch. Naruto crept closer on all fours, body low to the floor in preparation for an attack. I held my hands out in a pleading gesture.

"Naruto, please. Listen to me. I would never hurt you. You know that." I rolled to the right as he dove for me, feeling the air of his passage and the brush of the cloth of his jumpsuit. He had come so close. I had to get him to hear me. Tears burned my eyes and I swallowed hard as I came back to my feet. They had done this. The villagers had treated him as a savage beast, attacking and shunning him and that is what he had woken as.

"Hear me. Listen to my words, the sound of my voice. I am trying to help you Naruto, as I have always done." I moved to the left managing to dodge the biggest bulk of the swipe of his claws except for the sharp sting that trailed down my ribs, drawing a brief hiss from me before something connected with my gut sending me flying. I collided with my couch, sending both it and me rolling across the floor. I hauled myself to my knees and looked up to see him licking his lips. I felt the drip of blood down my chin, watched his eyes track it. The fox is a predator and I was now it's bleeding prey. Fuck.

"Naruto!" I shouted. "Snap out of it!" He snarled and then he was suddenly gone. I looked around the room frantically before I was smashed face first into the floor. His hand on my neck shoved my face into the floor, his knee digging into my lower back. I had time enough to feel my heart flutter in terror before I screamed as his fangs dug into my shoulder. I closed my eyes and tried to distance myself from the pain so I could focus enough to complete the transportation jutsu. I poofed out from under him and fell to my knees on my kitchen floor. I had moments before Naruto found me. Sure enough just as I turned to face the doorway I could hear the rapid pound of four limbs across the floor coming straight for me. I crouched and swiped the kunai I stored under the table for emergency situations just as he cleared the door. His eyes saw the weapon first before finding my face and he slowed.

"Don't make me have to hurt you, Naruto! Please!" I shouted. He threw his head back and the scream he let loose made goosebumps explode across my flesh. He fell to his knees, forehead touching the floor, spine bowing as a noise of pain crept up his throat. Naruto was trying to fight back the fox. He'd heard me. Relief swept through me in a wave so powerful I had to catch myself with my empty hand. His body shuddered before he suddenly launched himself at me too fast for me to counter. I was once again pinned beneath the boy, this time by a hand on my throat. I couldn't move for a second as I floundered for something, anything to do that didn't involve stabbing him. He leaned in, putting pressure on his hand against my throat so that I could no longer breathe. I shivered as he ran his nose up my jawline and into my hair, sucking in a deep breath. He pulled back enough to look into my eyes, tracking the tears spilling from them, eyes searching my face in a way that no animal would truly do. His free hand moved in a blur, snatching away my mask. My headband had been lost long ago. I lifted the arm that held the kunai and watched him snarl, fingers tightening as he clocked the motion. My eyes rolled a little as my head began to spin from lack of oxygen, the sound of my terrified heart roaring in my head. I opened my fingers and let the kunai fall to the floor. He stared down at me in confusion, which is how I knew that Naruto was in there.

He leaned into me so that his face was so close I could have kissed him, which is exactly what I did. I pressed my lips against the smooth pearl of his teeth where he snarled and prayed that this would get through to him. His fingers relaxed against my throat enough that I let my head fall back, eyes fluttering as I drew in a sharp, ragged inhale. I had appeased my lungs enough to slake the burning in them but my survival instincts were screaming at me. I did the only thing I could think to do. I lifted my head, feeling the pressure of his fingers on my throat at the movement and pressed my mouth firmly to his. The fox understood violence, destruction, death, the hunt but I was banking on the hope that passion would confuse it.

I must have been right because I felt the softness of Naruto's lips against mine instead of teeth. I placed my hands on either side of his face and pressed my lips firmly against his. The fox was confused indeed. I felt the tension sing through his body, but he caught on quick and the lips that had been passive against mine began to move. It was working! I kissed him for all I was worth, my tongue slipping into Naruto's mouth. He jerked back from the kiss with a look of shock on his face. I sucked in a harsh breath, watching the oblong slit in the red mass of his eyes waver around the edges as I saw Naruto begin to come to the forefront. His eyes flared wider and the fox eyes were firmly back in place. Naruto shook his head hard and I grabbed him, pulling him to me and kissing him firmly, not hesitating. This time Naruto instantly clued in and began kissing me back. His mouth opened, tongue darting into my mouth. I made a sound of surprise and began to explore the boy's mouth in return, sliding my hand to the back of his neck. I had wanted to kiss him for some time now but never in my wildest dreams had I imagined ever actually being able to, especially not in a situation like this. Our mouths fed at each other and a low growl filled my mouth making me gasp in return, my hips moving on their own in response. One second I was pretty much making out with Naruto, the next he was gone. I took several shaky inhales, rolling onto my side as a coughing fit took over. I was panting as I sat up and ran my hand over my face before seeing Naruto standing a few feet away from me, fingers gingerly placed against his lips, cerulean eyes wide with surprise.

"You kissed me." He muttered. I raised an eyebrow at that. Yeah, and you kissed me back I thought, but I didn't say it.

"You attacked me." My voice was gruff from all the abuse my throat had taken. He was quiet for so long that I thought he might have disappeared if I hadn't been staring right at him.

"What happened? And where are we?" I told him what had happened and informed him that we were at my house which made him look around.

"I didn't even know you had a place, Kakashi sensei." I frowned.

"Of course I do." I mumbled. The boy shrugged casually and turned away from me to begin walking down the hallway back to the living room.

"How was I supposed to know that. You've always been such a mystery." I watched him disappear and hauled myself to my feet, hissing quietly at the fire licking along my left shoulder blade where he had bitten me. I followed after him to find him surveying the damage, moving in a slow circle until he came to rest on me. Pain lanced through those giant, true blue eyes as he came forward. I watched him walk toward me until he stopped less than a foot back. Tears filled his eyes as he reached hesitantly forward to trace the long but shallow cut down the right side of my ribs. A small sound left him as his hand fell back to his side, clenched in a tight fist. He bowed his head and turned away from me. I reached out to him but he dropped to his knees, balling his hands in his hair and rocking. I was about to go to him when he just suddenly leaned forward and began pounding his fists into the floor. My eyes went wide and I stared in horror at the sound of his flesh and bone meeting wood again and again. He began screaming as he beat his pain out on the floor. I launched myself at Naruto, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and pulling him back against me.

"LET ME GO!" He screamed, bucking against me. I grunted and held him tighter until he fell still. His whole body shook against mine and I realized he was crying.

"It's okay, Naruto." I said softly, crying silently with him.

"It's not. None of this is okay! The pervy sage is...he's dead! And I nearly killed you! How is that okay?"

"I am a lot harder to kill than that. You should know this by now, Naruto." I grunted as he elbowed me and jumped away from my grasp, whirling to face me.

"Yeah? That's why you had to kiss me to get me to come back, right?" His words were seething and I looked at the ground. He scoffed and I jerked my head up when I heard him retreating. I stood.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving." He made leaving sound very final like he wasn't just leaving my house but the entire village. I was suddenly in front of him, panic tightening my gut.

"You can't." He jerked away from me and glared into my eyes.

"And why the fuck not? No one cares about me. They'll probably throw a parade when they realize I've left, make it an annual holiday! The last person that cared about me is _dead_! There's nothing for me here!" I ground my teeth together and wrapped my hands in the unzipped lapels of his jumpsuit slamming him back into the wall.

"And what about your friends, the hokage...me?" I spit into his face. He laughed and shook his head.

"None of you care. You all tolerate me because I save your ass and all the asses that live in this village on occasion but you could give two shits what happens to me as long as the demon inside me stays in check." He lifted his hand and lightly slapped my cheek twice with a faux smile. "It's okay Kakashi. You don't have to admit that I'm right, but you don't have to lie to me anymore either." I fought the tears that burned up the back of my throat and shook my head.

"I care." I said thickly. He thumped his head back into the wall and chuckled sadly, closing his eyes as he gripped my wrists in his hands.

"Let me go, Kakashi. I'll be out of everyone's hair within the hour." I thought of a thousand seething responses to that but instead I just leaned over, closing the now small height difference between us and placed my lips against his. I felt him stiffen but I ignored it, letting go of his clothes so that I could wrap my arm around his waist, pulling our bodies flush from chest to thigh, and thread my fingers into the muddy clumps of his hair. I kissed him several times before nipping his lower lip. He gasped and I took my opening, sliding my tongue into his mouth. Naruto made a small noise as he began to move just his lips against mine, hesitant. I kissed him like I hadn't kissed anyone in so very long, letting my tongue and lips show him how much he meant to me. I had wanted him for so long but had always been too terrified to cross a line that I could never uncross if things went sour. I crossed it now out of desperation and pain at what Naruto, my Naruto was going through. I tried to feed to him everything I was thinking and feeling with my lips, tongue and teeth on his. I broke the kiss and we both took a gasping inhale as I reluctantly let him go, taking a single step back. Naruto touched his fingers to his lips as he stared at me with wide eyes, panting. I could see the indecision of how he should feel flitting through those large pools of cerulean: anger, confusion, lust, the pain I so desperately wanted to take away, all a rapid swirl of contemplation. I simply smiled at him realizing only now that this was the first time he had ever been allowed to see the gesture. He gasped sharply and his eyes widened to a point where I thought they might fall out of his head.

"You are wrong." I said, voice a bit husky from the lingering passion of our kiss. I turned away from him and went up the half a flight of steps that led to the large bathroom that was the one thing I had splurged on in the renovation. I leaned heavily on the vanity for a moment, letting myself feel the panic swirl in my chest. Would he still leave? I fought to breathe regularly so as not to have a panic attack as I knelt on the smooth marble of the floor, turning the large faucet on full blast to fill up the 300 square foot, in ground, marble bath that matched the tile under foot. I stood and watched the steam begin to rise in the room and busied myself until the bath was ready: stripping out of the few clothes I still had on, wrapping my waist with a towel as I brushed my teeth and hair, using my routine as a way of calming myself from the maelstrom of doubt and fear swirling through me. I sighed and turned back around, turning the water off. I had just stood up when I heard footsteps behind me I turned to face him only to be greeted by a fist smashing into my face.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- So I'm posting the second chapter pretty quickly because I was curious how you all would feel about this chapter. I really do frigging love this story! It makes me so sad yet so happy at the same time. Funny story, My best friend discovered that I was writing a KakaNaru fic and called me disgusting because Kakashi basically raised Naruto. However, when I mentioned her love for Twilight and the same principle applying to Jacob being paired with Bella's baby from birth...well, needless to say, she was not very happy with me. In all honesty, Kakashi became a huge part of Naruto's life but was not always as prevalent. Anyway, if you're weirded out by any of it please leave and keep any/all nasty comments to yourself. If you love KakaNaru as much as me then please, enjoy!**

 **Naruto's POV**

Kakashi fell back into what one could describe as a mini in ground pool, more like the baths you'd see at bath houses. His whole body sank into the waters depths. I stepped down into the bath expecting to drop at least to my waist but found that the tub had a bench that wrapped around the entire circumference. I was stepping down again when Kakashi popped up out of the water, spluttering. He quickly wiped the water out of his eyes and had time to flash a look of absolute surprise at me before I hit him again, knocking him back this time on his ass so that he now sat on the bench. I was on him before he could move, shoving him back by a hand on his throat until the back of his head was pressed to the flat of the marble. He was breathing heavily but I was surprised to find that he made no move to defend himself. Not one, almost like he had been expecting my reaction. I kneeled one knee on the bench between his legs so I could growl in his face.

"You kissed me. Again." I felt the muscles of his throat work beneath my hand as he swallowed but he otherwise remained motionless, staring at me. His silver hair was plastered over the left side of his face completely covering his sharingan eye. I don't know why but it really bothered me that I couldn't see his entire face now that it was there for the looking. He watched as I lifted my other hand to swipe his hair away. I had a moment where I could do nothing but simply stare at him.

His face was more beautiful than anything I could have conjured up. His jaw was a delicate triangle that seemed almost feminine, though some strong line in it's structure that I couldn't quite pinpoint kept it solidly on the masculine side of the spectrum. His lips were a slightly wide and lush pout, the bottom lip protruding just a hint more so that it seemed to beg to be nipped and sucked at. I blinked at the odd thought and frowned as I continued to survey him. I found myself thoroughly distracted by his mouth as the ripe pink of it forced a certain fixation on the soft sensuality of them among the sharpness of the rest of his features. He was so pale. So very very pale. The dark depth of his right eye seemed to reflect back more color than any black I had ever seen, as if there was multicolored lights in the room, and the red of his sharingan definitely defined his eyes and mouth as the most distracting of his features; a riot of color among the white of snow and silver of the moon. I found myself wanting to run my lips along his jaw, to kiss my way to those so soft and talented lips and- I shoved myself away from him with a violent head shake. What had he done to me? He slowly sat up and watched me as if waiting for my reaction, any reaction, and he'd accept whatever it was.

"You disgust me." I snarled at him. "You are not half the man that the pervy sage was so why is he gone and I am left with you?!" The last came out in a shout. "At least Jiraiya didn't act on his perverted nature!" I was screaming and even though I felt in my gut that I was lying to myself I couldn't stop. Of course the old perve had acted on his nature. I had spent countless hours training by myself while he indulged in carnal pleasures with slews of women as "research" for his books. Kakashi's gaze never wavered from me even as they flinched at my words. He sat in silence. "Why do you just sit there? Yell!" I lunged at him and shook him by the shoulders. "Scream at me!" I yelled into his face from inches away, my voice cracking. He simply stared up at me with a small smile on that beautiful mouth. "Why?!" I screamed around the first hot tears squeezed out by the pain, anger and disbelief pounding through my body. "Why do you smile at me?! How can you smile?!" I slapped a hand over my mouth as what sounded suspiciously like a sob crept up my throat. His arms wrapped slowly around my waist, pulling me against his chest and it was then that I realized I was straddling his hips. I slapped at him and pulled his hair in an attempt to get free.

"Let me go! Let me go! LET ME GO!" I pounded on his shoulders, clawed at the skin of his arms as I tried to get him to release me. " _Let me go!"_ I screamed again and again and in each shout I heard my pain and misery grow thicker and thicker until I fell limp against him, panting and quietly crying, forcefully holding back the hellfire of my emotions that burned my chest, throat and eyes. I heard Kakashi speaking softly to me but couldn't hear the words. I forced myself to listen.

"It's okay, Naruto. Let go. I'll be your rock while your world falls apart." He had clearly been muttering things of this nature for a while because he just kept speaking such things. "Use me. I'm here for you. Use me." Those were the words that broke the dam. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my face in the bare skin of his neck while the weight of the loss of my master overwhelmed me and I finally wept as I hadn't wept in years. I had promised myself I would no longer cry and yet here I was, in my sensei's arms, crying over the loss of my master, my treasured friend and confidant. I don't know how long Kakashi held me but when I could cry no more I heard him softly humming an old Konoha lullaby that I'd heard only through the wall of my apartment as the woman next door lulled her newborn to sleep. It was the most soothing thing anyone had ever done for me, coupled with the slow rhythm of his hands up and down my back it was damn near hypnotic.

"Naruto?"

"Mmmm?" I hummed.

"Can I take this off of you?" He tugged on my jumpsuit. I smiled slightly against his neck.

"Trying to get me out of my clothes, huh?" I chuckled softly. "You perve." His laugh was so soft that if I hadn't been so close I never would have heard it.

"I was actually hoping that we could get cleaned up before the water gets cold." Colder. He meant colder. The water was already kind of chilly. I didn't answer but Kakashi moved anyway. I stayed limp in his arms as he turned us so that I was sitting where he'd been and peeled his body away from mine. I instantly wanted to wrap myself back around him but resisted the urge in favor of allowing him to strip me. Kakashi's hands moved deftly over me and in a matter of thirty seconds I was down to nothing but my boxers. I stared at him and he met my eyes with a raised eyebrow as if silently asking if I wanted to take them off or should he? I made no move to do it myself, rather enjoying the older man stripping me. He slid his thumbs beneath the waistband so that for a moment his long fingers caressed my hips before he deftly swept the cloth down my thighs, being careful to keep it under the water so that it didn't catch on tacky skin. I was suddenly sitting naked before him as he chucked my underwear over his shoulder to land on the floor with a wet plop. A flush crept up Kakashi's face that made me wonder what he was thinking.

"Pardon me." He turned and stood walking to the other side of the tub. I watched the water roll down the incredible paleness of his waist and ass, finding myself thinking that it was a great behind, perfectly round. I could imagine sinking teeth into the supple flesh. The thought startled me. Then he knelt on the bench with one knee and bent over at the waist, stretching over until his chest was nearly pressed into the floor so that he could grab a tray of soaps and slide it forward. I hissed quietly at the sight of him bent over and was suddenly very, very hot. Kakashi was careful to sink back into the water before turning back around.

"Soaps?" He asked with a gesture toward the tray he'd retrieved. I have no idea what was wrong with me but it was as if my body were moving on it's own.

I stood and walked over to the older man who was still sitting on the bench. I watched his eyes widen as they darted over my body, trying to follow the water trailing down my chest and stomach. The water stopped just below my belly button so my private bits were covered, but I knew if Kakashi were to stand his wouldn't be. I reached my hands out to him, wrapping my fingers around his waist to pull him forward so that he either had to crouch or stand in the water. He chose to crouch, swallowing hard enough that I heard it. I used my grip on his waist to steady myself as I let my legs go out from under me. I submerged myself in the water and was tempted to open my eyes to see all of Kakashi. My hands slid from his waist to his thighs, telling me that my sensei was standing now. I smiled and gripped one hand tight on his thigh while using the other to run through my hair until I no longer felt residue of my time in the mud. I slowly came up out of the water, opening my eyes to see Kakashi in a whole new angle. He was well endowed, blessed with a girth that made his length all the more impressive. I lingered on the erection he was sporting for a moment before I continued to rise out of the water, moving towards him as I did. His cheeks were pink with what I could only assume was embarrassment which I found totally adorable. I felt his cock brush against my thigh as I leaned into him, forcing him to retreat or press our nakedness together. He fell back on the bench, watching me as my chest pushed close to his face, the tip of my cock brushing him, until I had the bottle of soap in my hand. I retreated and was oddly delighted to find his eyes filled with that darkness I'd seen in the eyes of the only lover I had taken. His lips were half-parted and he was breathing heavily. I grinned as I gave him my back while I washed myself. The rest of the bath was uneventful until I heard the splash of him getting out. I turned my head until I could see that luscious ass walk naked and dripping wet across the room. My cock, which had remained hard, twitched as I watched him, licking my lips. He wrapped the towel around his waist quickly and I averted my eyes just before he turned to call over his shoulder.

"I'm going to make some tea and sandwiches. Meet me in the kitchen when you're done." He left the bathroom door open behind him as if implying he knew I shouldn't be too much longer.

I looked down at the wood I was sporting and was so confused I almost laughed. What the hell was I going to do about this? And why was I so...attracted to my sensei all of a sudden? Grief. Yeah! That was it. Grief made for strange bed-fellows. That was all. I had no clothes so I couldn't just walk around with only a towel to hide the boner. I had to get rid of it and only knew one way. I gripped my cock tight and hissed as the pleasure of it made me have to lean forward, using the edge of the tub for support as I stroked myself with shallow motions. The memory of Kakashi's mouth on mine drew a low moan from me, my head going back, spine bowing slightly. His arm was tight around my waist holding me against him, hand firm on the back of my neck, sliding into the tangle of my hair. I felt the electric thrill that went through me when he'd nipped my bottom lip as if the man were right in front of me. His tongue slipped in my mouth and I shivered, the proximity of the impending orgasm making me weak. I flashed to the amazing view of him that I'd had as he'd come out of the water, large cock standing stiffly out from his body. I nearly bit my lip off trying to stay quiet as my orgasm rocked through me. I collapsed to my knees on the bench, holding myself up on shaking arms.

"Shit." I breathed. It was several more minutes before I hauled myself out of the tub.

I dried off quickly, wrapping a towel around my waist as I padded down the six stairs to the first floor and into the kitchen. I stopped in the doorway. The fine muscles in his back rolled slightly under the snow of Kakashi's skin as he moved around in front of the counter. I let my eyes travel over the fine details of him. He had thrown on a pair of deep blue pajama pants that clung low enough on his hips that I could see the slope of his back muscles into those of his ass. I had the urge to go up behind him and press myself against all that muscle. To wrap my arms around him and-...I shook my head viciously to clear it of the image. What was wrong with me? I suddenly heard a vague echo of Kakashi's voice begging me to stop because he didn't want to have to hurt me. I felt the skin of his throat beneath my hand, ripping his mask away to reveal the brilliant red-purple of his face. I saw his eyes roll back into his head and then I watched him lift his arm and drop his one defense. I was suddenly back in the doorway of his kitchen listening to the soft hum of Kakashi and the click of a knife on a cutting board. My vision blurred as I stared at him in shock. I had never remembered anything from when the fox came out to play. Why now? Was it- was it...him? I moved without letting myself think, simply allowing instinct to take over. I rounded the island and did exactly what I had imagined doing.

Kakashi gasped softly as I pressed the full length of my body against the back of his, wrapping my arms around his waist and nuzzling my face in the still damp hair at the base of his neck. His body was completely still against mine as if he didn't know what to do. I ignored his lack of reaction and simply allowed myself to enjoy the moment in case he had changed his mind about what I had felt in his kiss earlier, but after a few minutes like that I simply couldn't. I pressed my forehead to his skin and closed my eyes, scared that he had retreated and he'd tell me this was wrong. My breath was warm as it came back to me carrying his soft, slightly herbal scent.

"Please...Kakashi." My lips fluttered softly against his skin as I spoke, tickling a little. "Hold me." I whispered. He remained still and my heart began to sink, and then he moved, running his hands down my forearms around his waist until he used a grip on my wrists to pull my arms tighter around him. I felt how incredibly soft his skin was and sighed, turning my head to rest my cheek in that dip at the top of his shoulder blades. I smiled to myself as I felt the goosebumps I had given him. He must be incredibly sensitive. I relished the feeling of being pressed against him, of being held and of holding him. No one had ever touched me as much as Kakashi had tonight or...ever really. Even while training or after battle he was the only one I could always count on to help me, to carry me when I couldn't carry myself.

"I-" Kakashi stopped and cleared his throat, "I cut up some vegetables and made some sandwiches and tea if you're hungry." I didn't want to let him go.

"Nah. I think-" Just then my stomach growled so loud that it triggered a cramp that forced a small gasp from me. I squeezed my eyes shut tight until the pain passed. I had always hated stomach pains the most. Kakashi tapped my arms and rubbed his hands up and down them quickly.

"Come on." He said with a soft chuckle, "Let's eat." I knew he wanted me to let him go but I didn't want to. I squeezed him just the tiniest bit more but he didn't miss it. His hand squeezed my arm comfortingly.

"Ease up a little, Naruto." I let my arms simply fall free of him to swing at my sides and was turning away to go sit at the table when his hands cupped both sides of my face, tipping my head up. My heart was suddenly racing as I anticipated another kiss but then I frowned deeply. He had once again donned his mask. Something about that hurt me. I don't know why. His eyes were crinkled softly at the corners so that I knew he was smiling and then I noticed that his sharingan was still uncovered, which made me smile softly in return. He bent his head and I thought for sure he was going to kiss me but instead he passed so close by my lips that I felt his mask brush my mouth before he placed a very chaste but lingering kiss on my cheek.

"You really do need to start taking better care of yourself." He chided softly next to my ear. I nodded too much and too fast because, Kami help me, if I had anything to say about it I'd start my journey of self-recovery by claiming the man in front of me any way I could. He turned away and I quickly sat at the table. The first plate he plunked down was piled high with sandwiches, at least twenty of them. I licked my lips as I eyes the different varieties, grabbing one for each hand and shoving them in my mouth as fast as I could. My stomach screamed at me for food, faster, more! I couldn't shove it in fast enough. I stopped when I felt him staring at me, turning my head slowly to find him holding a plate in both hands. As far as I could tell he wasn't even breathing. I forced myself to sit back on my haunches and quit hovering over the table like the ravenous animal I felt like, barely constraining myself from devouring all the sandwiches, and possibly the plate too. Kakashi laughed and continued over, plunking a plate of vegetables followed by one of dessert rolls in front of me, not in the center like he had with the sandwiches, which he reached over and slid towards me as well.

"Eat, Naruto. I won't stop you. Take your fill. I can always make more." My eyes actually teared up in gratitude as I began stuffing food down my throat. I was horribly embarrassed by my actions and I think Kakashi knew it because he busied himself with something at the counter for a while, long enough that I was able to slake my hunger enough so that when he sat on the opposite side of the table I could behave like a human again. I wiped at my mouth and grinned at him before throwing back my entire cup of tea. He laughed and shook his head as he noted that all the sandwiches and a third of the vegetables were almost gone. He had made what appeared to be a sushi wrap for himself.

"How do you eat so much? I never understand where you put it all." He took up his wrap before hesitating for a moment. I watched him internally debate with himself and then he slipped his mask down his face and without pause took a bite so large that I thought he may have simply stuffed the thing straight down his throat. My mouth was hanging open, eyes wide when he looked over to me. He coughed around his mouthful of food, pounding a fist on his chest, a muffled laugh sounding. When he swallowed he laughed loudly, having to put his wrap down so as not to drop it.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I tried to speak several times but all that came out was broken syllables until I finally found my voice.

"I may eat a lot but that was the biggest damn bite I have ever seen anyone take...ever!" I blurted. "And I've spent a lot of time around food!" Kakashi raised an eyebrow, smirking at me.

"How else do you think I always eat my food so fast?" I thought about it and he chuckled softly. "I have my mask but what is your excuse." I shrugged.

"I have a demon inside me. You really don't want to see him mad so..." Kakashi's eyes were wide as I finished speaking, "Gotta feed the beast, ya know?"

"I guess I never thought of it like that." I shrugged.

"People in general don't really think about me. Don't take it personal." I began stuffing raw vegetables in my mouth making small mmmmm noises. Kakashi was looking at me with a small furrow in his brow that I didn't like. I loudly crunched on a carrot and looked away from his knowing eyes to analyze the dessert rolls. The silence between us was growing thick as if Kakashi didn't quite know what to say and I couldn't stand the look in his eyes so I blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"At least I have a legitimate explanation for my eating habits. What's up with the mask anyway? What do you have to hide?" I knew instantly that I'd said the wrong thing. His face never changed but the muscles in his body visibly tensed and if I'd been uncomfortable being the object of his sympathy I was even more uncomfortable with the complete absence of emotion. It was as if everything that made the man who he was could be turned off with the flick of a switch. His eyes were like a dead weight against me and I stifled a shudder. I shoved another carrot into my mouth.

"You know, if you're going to give me the silent treatment the least you could do is entertain me and deep throat your wrap again." Shock flashed across his face and the tension in my shoulders that I hadn't realized was there was suddenly gone on a wave of relief. He offered me a small smile before picking up his wrap. I looked down to pick the roll I wanted to eat the most and when I looked up Kakashi had maybe a bite left of his wrap and was refilling my cup as he chewed. I stared in amazement. I had never seen Kakashi chew before. There was certainly a lot of firsts tonight. I closed my eyes and chuckled to myself, shaking my head softly and when I opened my eyes again Kakashi was finished eating and his mask was back in place. I ignored the whole mask thing and finished eating. Kakashi waited while I ate but I had to fill the silence with meaningless chatter because my sensei had gone mute on me. He nodded every now and again, making polite noises here and there and I hated it. It took everything I had to not ask him what his fucking problem was, but I didn't.

When I finished eating he stood and collected the dishes, taking them to the sink without a word. I sat there watching the small movements of his back as he washed the few plates, allowing myself to simmer with rage at the vibrant red and purple mark of my fangs against the history of countless battles written in the scars across his pale flesh. I promised myself I would never hurt Kakashi again, that I would make up for all the things I had done to him and all the shit I'd put him through. Kakashi shut the water off and spun around, suddenly moving towards me until he came to an abrupt stop and dropped into a crouch right next to me. His eyes were intense as they landed on mine and I knew he was about to say something that I might not like.

"It was my father. After what he did everyone looked at me differently, so I found a way to hide my rage. That's why I can't stand the way they look at you, Naruto. I understand what it is like to be hated for what you cannot control." His words were low and deep with sincerity and I was left staring up at him with wide eyes as he stood smoothly, holding my gaze for a moment more before he began walking out of the kitchen. "Come on. I'll show you where you can sleep." I stood numbly and stumbled before following him. He had never broken eye contact during his confession as if he had been trying to tell me more with his eyes than he'd dared venture with words. I collided into his back when he came to a sudden stop, not realizing we had already traversed the stairs to get here. He ignored my clumsiness and slid open the wood panel door revealing a furnished but otherwise spartan room.

"It's yours for as long as you want it." Without another word he strutted down the hallway and right before vanishing behind another door that I assume was his bedroom he called over his shoulder, "Goodnight, Naruto." His door slid closed before I could reply.

"Goodnight...Kakashi." I mumbled to the empty hallway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kakashi's POV**

I flung myself onto my bed, sprawling haphazardly, staring up at the ceiling as I fought the storm of emotions and thoughts that rampaged through me. It couldn't be possible that Naruto could have any real feelings for me. How could he? I was so fucking weak. And he was just so...strong, so resilient. He could handle anything that came at him, facing it head on. I...I was just the opposite. I ripped my mask off with a disgusted growl. He was so...Naruto and I was so me. How could someone like that ever feel anything for me? I don't know how long I laid there like that, marveling over the young man only just down the hall from me, but it felt like forever. Then I heard it. A soft, so soft knock at the door. I stopped breathing, listening, waiting to see if I had actually heard anything at all or if it was my imagination. The door slid open slightly and I closed my eyes as if I had been sleeping.

"Kakashi?" His whisper was so quiet and yet my heart sped at hearing my name on his lips in the darkness of my room. I didn't hear him come but I felt the bed shift followed by the quiet rustle of the sheets as he came across the bed towards me. A part of me wanted to open my eyes so bad but a larger part of me wanted to see what he was going to do. I felt the warmth of his body hovering over mine and tried to control my breathing as I had been taught in my ninja training. He stayed just like that above me for so long that I almost did open my eyes just to get a reaction out of him. I felt warmth radiating above my cheek, smelled the light scent of citrus like he was about to touch me. He had always smelled to me like a citrus grove in summer.

"You are just so...beautiful." He breathed. My heart fluttered in my chest and I forced myself to breathe through it. The calloused roughness of his fingers tickled across my cheek in a trembling line, halting at the very edge of my lips. He leaned in closer. "Why would you hide away such beauty?" I felt his breath along my opposite cheek and I think my heart stopped when I felt the barest tip of his nose run along my jaw line, tickling into the hair behind my ear, breathing me in as he did. He made a very quiet noise deep in his throat that I only heard due to proximity and I almost lost it right there. I felt so warm all over, butterflies beating my stomach into submission with their delicate wings.

"You smell so damn good." He said on a slow exhale, shuddering above me. Oh god. I wanted him to touch me, to feel more of him against me. He ran his nose down my neck all the way to the curve in my shoulder letting more of him touch me this time and it felt so good I couldn't catch the shiver and sigh. He went still above me and whispered an expletive that would have made Jiraiya blush, breath hitching.

"Wake up, Kakashi. Wake up and see me. Let me see those gorgeous eyes." He only breathed it but still I had to rail against myself to maintain the ruse, even though I no longer knew why. He took several shaky inhales.

"Do you taste as good as you smell?" I'm sure my heart stopped then, racing to make up for the stumble. He pulled back a little and I almost grabbed him to me. He placed a chaste kiss on the hollow of my shoulder, trailing soft kisses over my collarbone that stole my breath before he dipped his tongue in the shallow dip above where he'd so delicately kissed, trailing small circles that broke me. I let my eyes fly open as the low moan I'd been stifling crawled up my throat. He slowly lifted his head back until he could see into my face from inches away.

"You're awake." I swallowed hard before speaking.

"What are you doing?" My voice sounded only a little breathy, though if Naruto only looked down my rock hard and throbbing erection would be a dead give away of my deception. His eyes traveled over my face, those wonderful lips curling into a devious smile.

"What have you done to me, Kakashi?" Me? What had _I_ done to _him_? He leaned in until our lips were so close I could taste his breath, finding it sweet. "How am I supposed to sleep when all I can think about is your lips? Of our kiss and the way you looked in that bath-" He shivered, eyes sliding shut with a soft sigh. I couldn't move, couldn't look away, couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"N-Naruto-" He rubbed his nose against mine and it was enough to silence my husky whisper.

"I want to touch you, Kakashi. I want to touch you all over, to know what it feels like to-" He stopped and flicked his tongue over his bottom lip with a wet sound. "I just want...need, to touch you." He moved his head to the side, sliding his cheek along mine so that I could feel the scars on his face, until his lips brushed my ear as he said, "I just need you to say yes." He flicked his tongue lightly against my ear and I bit my lip. "Say yes. Please, say yes." He nipped my earlobe with his teeth before gently sucking on the soft bit of flesh, drawing a moan from me. What else could I say?

"Yes." My voice shook as I said it, cock throbbing as if in celebration of some great victory. Oh god, yes! A soft growl vibrated along my ear, raising goosebumps in a tide across my flesh. His weight shifted and then I felt the bed depress on the other side, the heat of him like a furnace above me as he straddled my waist. I went to lift my arms but his fingers wrapped gently around them, pushing them back to the bed without looking, as if he instinctively knew where every part of me was. He lifted his head enough so that he could look down at me and what I saw was a need so powerful, so raw that it stole my air from me.

"I need to touch you, Kakashi. I can't have you distracting me. So, if you touch me this stops." My eyes widened but his voice gave no indication of any bullshit. He was serious. I didn't understand why this meant so much to him but clearly it did. I nodded and he smiled softly down at me, watching my face as he let go of my wrists, trailing his fingers slowly and very erotically up the inside of my arms. Who knew such a simple touch could be so fucking hot. He bent back over me so that I was breathing in the scent of his hair as he trailed kisses as silky as a feather's caress up the other side of my neck drawing my breath short and fast. His hand slid over my shoulder and up the other side of my neck in an echo of his mouth, sliding into the hair at the base of my skull while he nibbled along my jaw. My legs and hips writhed against the bed for him and I balled my fists into the sheets to keep from touching him. I wanted to touch him so fucking bad I thought I might die but when he ghosted his mouth over mine I knew what I suddenly wanted more. When he hesitated my body moved on its own, my head moving forward in an attempt to close the hairs breadth of a gap between our mouths. His hand tightened abruptly in my hair keeping me from completing the movement and I groaned, rolling my hips against the bed to have something to do with the desire burning me alive.

"Please." I gasped out. "Please-" I closed my eyes and sucked in a harsh breath.

If I couldn't touch him I needed something. Give me something, Naruto. I was about to ask again but his lips were suddenly against mine. I tried to follow the slow, sexy and sensual pace he set but I was about at the end of my rope. I was the reason that the kiss spiraled into a game of domination. With one hand in my hair and the other against the side of my face he was completely in control of how out of control I could be, and believe me I wanted wild and out of control _really_ fucking bad. He moaned into my mouth when I gently bit his bottom lip and I felt his control give a little as he deepened the kiss, our mouths feeding at each other. He broke the kiss, rearing back above me with a sharp gasp for air. He threw his head back and must have needed something to balance himself because he dropped his hips so that he had a hand on each thigh. That was when I saw that he was completely nude, body stretched in a long line of lithe muscles, cock standing out like a large exclamation point. I threw my head back and moaned loudly rolling my hips up automatically, but this time I had forgotten that Naruto was only just barely not touching me so the motion that had been fruitless before now resulted in me grinding against his ass. I hissed as a full body shudder left me gasping beneath him at the contact. He moaned and fell in a push up position, body barely held off of mine so that his face was above mine.

"Oh god! Do that again for me." I swallowed several times and he flicked his tongue across my lips before placing a fast and sloppy kiss on my mouth. I was ready to prolong the kiss but he was out of reach, nudging my head back with his nose so that he could lick a wet line down the front of my throat to my chest where he switched to kissing. He kissed, licked and nibbled everywhere until my entire body burned for him and my muscles trembled. If I could have breathed enough to speak I would have begged him. I looked down when he paused to find his mouth hovering over the one of the two spots he had avoided, eyes rolled up so he could see my face as he ran his tongue in slow circles around my right nipple before nipping it with his teeth. I arched up off the bed and cried out as his mouth closed over the taught flesh.

"Naruto!" I cried his name with the only air I had. His mouth parted from me and then I was blinking up at him, a wicked smile stretching his mouth.

"Yes?" His voice was rough with the edge of sex and I shivered at the sound of it.

"P- Pl-" I had to stop and swallow to moisten my dry throat before trying again. "Please I-" He suddenly rolled his hips so that I felt the incredibly hard length of him slide along my own and I nearly screamed.

"Want this?" He finished my sentence. I was struck dumb with lust, only able to moan for him. He rolled his hips in an easy, slow and sensuous rhythm that spoke of more experience or talent than I would ever have credited someone of his age with.

My spine bowed and I finally screamed for him as my hands tore at the bed sheets. I was completely undone. At this point the world could have been burning around me and I wouldn't notice as long as he didn't stop touching me. I vaguely heard him swear violently and he did something that jerked my body a little down the bed. My eyes flared wide, mouth opening even wider another scream tearing free, spine bowing viciously as his mouth slid slowly down over me. He got about half way before receding and then the wet warmth of his mouth was moving over me again and again, each descent swallowing more of me down. My whole body was quaking as the golden edge of orgasm built within me. I moaned as fast as I could draw air and wanted to warn him, to tell him how very close I was to cumming in his mouth, and I shouldn't have thought that at all because between one swallow and the next my world shattered. My world exploded in stars and white lights that rolled my eyes back into my head and my muscles contracted, drawing my upper body up off the bed in a spastic sit-up. I screamed his name as he shoved as much of me down his throat as he could, which was a fair bit, triggering a second orgasm that threw my body back against the bed and bucked my hips forward. I didn't have time to even breathe after he sucked the final dregs of my orgasm away before my world spun and I was suddenly face down on the bed. He plunged his hand into my hair and used it as a handled to yank my body back against his, turning my head so that I could see the red of his fox eyes when my eyes weren't trying to roll back in my head. A flutter of fear tried to come to the front but was drowned by the feeling of his lips on mine in a commanding kiss. He growled as he pulled away.

"I am going to fuck you now." I wanted to ask him if he knew what he was doing but all I could do was moan. He yanked my head the other way and ran his tongue up my neck. "Oh god...if you don't stop making those noises I might cum before I get to fuck you." His whole body shuddered and then he shoved me back to the bed. I had to turn my head to the side so that I could breathe and writhed in anticipation as Naruto yanked my legs apart until I was damn near doing a split. Thanks be to Kami that I was so flexible! I wondered if he was going to fuck me without lube but then felt a warm slime being rubbed over my asshole, around and around in tantalizing circles. It wasn't until I arched my back for him that he slipped the first finger slowly inside me. He _did_ know what he was doing. I was back to clawing at the bed by the time he had three fingers inside me, working me over with a twisting of his wrist similar to the roll of his hips earlier that, amazingly enough, had my cock lengthening again. I needed him and couldn't wait any longer.

"Fuck me!" I arched my back and lifted my ass like a bitch in heat.

"Oh fuck! Kakashi!" He growled.

"Fuck me, Naruto! Please just fucking fuck me!" He gripped my hips, fingers slick against my skin as his cock pressed against my opening. I knew he was trying to be gentle with me but I didn't want gentle. He cried out as I shoved myself back on him until he was sheathed inside me in a nearly violent movement. It hurt a little but he had done his prep work spectacularly. I began to ride his cock while he was still wrapped up in the pleasure of the first penetration and his fingers dug into my hips, trying to still me.

"Don't-...want to...hurt you." He growled. It had been a long time since I had been with a man like this but I knew what I wanted from him.

"Won't...Promise...Just fuck me!" I panted out. He hesitated but he must have taken me at my word because he slammed into me, drawing a scream from me that made him stop cold. I reached behind me and dug my fingernails into his thigh.

"Yes! Yes, Naruto! Oh god, yes! More!"

 **Naruto's POV**

Something in me snapped at hearing him beg for me like that. I slammed into him, fucking him like I had never imagined fucking anyone before. I moaned his name over and over as I watched him tear the sheets beneath him and scream and moan for me.

"Fuck! Oh fuck, Kakashi!" I couldn't believe how amazing it felt to be buried within him like this. He cried out and he turned his head as far back as he could to see me, eyes almost closed in pleasure.

"So...close...FUCK!" He shouted, Throwing his head back. He screamed for me to fuck him, fuck him harder. I felt my eyes widen but I just threw my head back and growled, completely letting go of any self-restraint I had left. Kakashi's scream of release was loud and ragged, his body clenching around me as he spasmed. I cried out and then screamed my own release as I thrust as deep into him as I could making him cry out and writhe again. The beautiful vision my lover made before me blurred as my body quaked, racked by wave after wave of pleasure until I finally fell beside him, completely spent. We lay there for a while, relearning how to breathe. I was still recovering when Kakashi rolled over and wrapped an arm around my waist, snuggling against my side. We stayed like that in a peaceful silence long enough that sleep was beginning to suck at the edges of reality.

"This is not the first time you've been with a man." His voice came slow and sure, shocking me out of my nearly dozy state. I tensed up but answered.

"No." He hummed and trailed his fingers down my chest.

"Sasuke?" I gritted my teeth.

"Yes."

"Hmm. I figured as much." I sighed and closed my eyes. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Naruto."

"I am not ashamed. I just don't want to think about him right now." Yes. He had been my one and only lover but...

"He hurt you bad didn't he?" I ignored the question. "Did he hurt you...sexually?" I turned my head, looking down at him in shock before looking away. I shrugged.

"Sasuke was like everyone else. He got what he wanted from me then cast me aside." Kakashi's body went stone still beside me.

"He used you." The rage in his voice made me laugh.

"Why should that come as a surprise to you? Like I said, he was just like everyone else." He fell silent for a few moments and I was left blinking in shock when he pulled away and sat up slowly about a foot away.

"Is that why you wouldn't let me touch you?" His sharingan glowed with anger as he lifted his face to glare at me. "So you could use me? Was that what this was for you, Naruto?" I couldn't help the noise of shock that squeaked out as I sat up and reached out to him. He moved back, not far but just enough to tell me that he didn't want me to touch him. I let my hand drop and shook my head, flopping back against the bed. How could I tell him what he needed to hear without revealing shit I didn't feel like delving into. Answer; I couldn't. I felt the bed move and turned my head to see Kakashi opening his closet. I sat up as I watched him grab a robe and slide it on.

"Kakashi, please wait. Let me explain." The silver of his hair fell around his lovely face in tangles as he glared at me and I wanted to kiss him more than almost anything but I stayed put.

"I think you've explained yourself rather well." He began walking towards the door and that familiar inferno of warmth swirled in my stomach. I was suddenly in front of the door directly in front of Kakashi who stopped but continued tying his robe. "If you'll get out of my way I'll make this really easy for you."

"Shut up!" I growled, seething. His eyes widened and he took a step back. Funny how depending on the situation a growl could mean so many things. "You don't get to ask complicated questions like that and then simply walk away thinking you know the fucking answers. You don't." Kakashi's eyes narrowed and he put his hands on his hips, lifting his nose into the air as he waited for me to continue. "You want me to answer your questions then fine, I will." I stepped towards him and he stepped back. It was my turn to narrow my eyes as I ground my nails into my palms.

"Unbelievable." I grumbled, shaking my head. "Have it your way." I spit out as I turned and stalked away from him towards the window. He was silent behind me and I was fine with that. "Sasuke is the only lover I have had until tonight, not my only male lover. Our relationship was always...tumultuous, even in bed. I had to fight to touch him but I never got much. I don't know if he hated me or his feelings for me but in the end I always wound up face down, ass up." I swallowed to moisten my dry throat. "I fought him often on the touching thing and it would escalate until he won and was fucking me into the ground...and I loved it. Or I thought I did. Then there were the few times where I won our...fight for dominance. There isn't really another way to put it. I would have him pinned and even though I could feel and hear how much he enjoyed it, could see it in his eyes, he never let me do much to him. I fought for every single fucking touch. Every. Single. One." I ground my teeth and whirled to face him. Kakashi's eyes were wide, mouth hanging slightly open. "Is this what you wanted to hear, Kakashi?" I blew a huge breath of air out as I slid my eyes shut and stared up at the ceiling. "Why must I always justify myself?" I whispered more to myself than anything.

"Naruto, I-" I shook my head and gave him my back.

"Just stop." He spluttered but finally fell silent again. "I wouldn't let you touch me because I wanted to feel and taste your body beneath mine, to hear and see every twitch, shiver and moan and know what it was to simply touch someone and not have them hit me or shy away and call me monster. To truly pleasure someone. I wouldn't let you touch me because..." I angrily swiped the tears away that trickled down my cheeks. _I won't cry anymore._ "because _I_ didn't want to be used again." I stopped and laughed until I was in tears, turning to face him as I wiped them away.

"Well, damn. I guess you're right after all, Kakashi. I did use you." Ice dropped into the pit of my stomach and I ignored it as much as I did the look of shock and the tears quietly streaming down his cheeks. I walked up to him and clapped my hands onto his shoulders, smiling softly.

"Thank you." I said before gently moving him to the side and slipping out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N-** Hello, my lovelies! It has been many many months since I have ventured onto fanfic and many more since I have indulged my lovely readers with an update. I don't know how to adequately apologize for such a long absence, all I can say is that life is a sea of shit that we don't know shit about until said shit is slung at us. Unfortunately, I have spent a regrettable amount of time learning to traverse such shitty times that just keep coming. I will try my damnedest to update more regularly.

Thank you so very very much to those who have commented and dropped me concerned PM's inquiring about my absence. I am okay, guys, thank you for your concern. Now, let's get to what ya'll came here for.

 **DISCLAIMER-** Graphic violence, vulgar language, depictions of abuse...I don't own Naruto or any characters herein, blah, blah, blah.

 **Kakashi's POV**

It had been sixteen days since the night that Naruto had come to me. He had stopped coming back to my house thirteen days ago and I hadn't seen him since. Six of those days could be attributed to the mission he had been assigned. I paced around the living room chewing my lip and raking my hand through my hair like a mad man. The house that I had lived in for years had come to feel so empty and incomplete. I felt like I was going insane not knowing where he was, who he was with, if he was okay...my mind whirled. A loud, angry pounding at my door had me running to answer it. I flung the door open, heart in my throat but it quickly deflated. Sakura stood before me.

"Sakura? What are you doing here?" She had been to my house only once after Sasuke had left us because I had been afraid to leave her alone. Even though her parents were loving towards her she had needed distance, not smothering and I had offered her that. She scoffed and pushed her way in, slamming the door behind her and leaning on it. She was breathing hard, looking down at the ground.

"Sakura?" My hesitation was thick in my words. She whipped her head up and I saw the anger in her eyes a second before her fist crashed into my face, sending me flying through the air. I rolled across the floor, coming to a crashing halt against the far wall of my living room. I coughed out a mouthful of blood, soaking the thin, black material of my face mask. She balled her hands in my shirt and hauled me off the floor to slam me back against the wall. I felt my eyes roll a bit from the impact and raised my hands to hold onto her wrists.

"What the fuck did you do to Naruto, you pervert?!" She growled into my face. My eyes widened as I slowly focused on her.

"Me?" I coughed again and it sounded thick, my mouth filled with too much blood. "What did _I_ do to _him_?"

"That's what I asked." I laughed and she slammed me back into the wall again.

"You must be joking." I panted out while trying to get my feet under me.

"He was fine until he came to stay with you and now he..." She growled before tightening her grip on my clothes. "Just tell me what you did to him, you fucking pervert! You took advantage of him didn't you? Didn't you!" I slapped her arms away from me hard enough that my skin stung where I'd connected with hers. She let go and I slid to my knees, quickly pushing myself to my feet as she backed away a few steps.

"You don't know anything and yet you presume to come in here and throw me around like you do."

"I know that you took advantage of him and that's all I need to know!"

"No!" I shook my head violently and took a step forward, slapping my hand against my chest. "He took advantage of _me_. He threw _me_ around my own house, confused my emotions then lay with _ME!_ Did he tell you _that,_ Sakura?" Her eyes were wide enough that I thought they might fall from their sockets and she was breathing heavily. When only silence filled the room I felt my anger snap.

"Well did he?!" I shouted. She shook her head and took a step back.

"N-no...he didn't." I scoffed.

"Of course he wouldn't."

"He didn't tell me anything about you two. He wouldn't speak about it. He said it wasn't any of my business, that I should just stay out of it." She shook her head hard and tears sprang to her eyes. "He looked so...hurt. I thought..."

"You thought what? That I had taken him against his will? Is this what you think of me, Sakura? You think I'm capable of rape?" She shook her head.

"No. I mean...I didn't know what to think, Kakashi-sensei." I raked my hand through my hair and paced a tight circle.

"Good god, Sakura! You really don't think much of me, do you?" She spluttered for a few moments as if trying to make the whole thing better without knowing how. Several minutes went by with the two of us remaining in contemplative silence before she laughed suddenly.

"I am such an idiot." She muttered. I stopped pacing to look at her with a raised eyebrow. She looked at me and I saw a new light fill those jade eyes of hers. "He told me but I wasn't listening. I thought he was talking about...him." I frowned at her.

"What are you talking about, Sakura?"

"Naruto."

"What about him?" She shook her head.

"It was just something he said to me. I thought I knew what he meant but I was wrong."

"What did he say?" She smiled brilliantly at me before grabbing my hand in hers and dragging me out of my house.

"S-Sakura! Wait! I don't even have shoes on!" I tried yanking my hand out of hers but of course failed. She was Tsunade's student so unless she let me go I wasn't getting away. I stumbled after her hopping over obstacles and praying for a soft landing with my bare feet. "Sakura! What the hell!"

"Just shut up and come with me, idiot!" Idiot? Since when did I become the idiot? She usually referred to Naruto as the idiot. With no other choice I simply allowed myself to be dragged along behind the pink haired buffoon. We ran through the streets and across roof tops until we stopped on top of the Hokage building. She let me go and I snatched my hand away as if it were wounded, staring morosely down at my now filthy feet.

"Why are we here, Sakura?" She pointed up and I followed the line of her finger to the faces of the five hokage. "Yeah? And?" She rolled her eyes and muttered to herself about being surrounded by idiots.

"Go to him, Kakashi." I stopped cold and was suddenly choking on my heart.

"N-Naruto...he's here." Again with the eye roll.

"Where else would Naruto be when he is upset?" Had he been here the whole time? I looked up at the mountain and struggled to swallow my heart before shaking my head. I turned away and was jogging across the rooftop when her hand delved into my hair, using it as a handle to whip me around to face her. The force she used to redirect me was too much and it sent me crashing to my knees in front of her.

"God dammit, Kakashi! Be the man I know you are and go comfort that boy or so help me, you'll regret it! I've never been able to do much for Naruto but I can do this." She let go of my hair with a brusque shove and pointed once again up to the mountain face. "Go." I hauled myself to my feet but stared down at her in a panic.

"He made his decision, Sakura. I will respect it." She let out a frustrated cry and paced a tight circle.

"You guys are driving me _fucking_ crazy!" She shook her head and waved it all off as she turned around and began walking away from me across the rooftop. "Fine. Suit yourselves, but I'm not talking to either of you until one of you fixes this." With that she hopped over the edge and was gone.

I ran my fingers back through my hair, massaging my scalp with my fingertips. She was most definitely Tsunade's student. I stared up at the stone faces above me and shook my head as I turned away to go home until the sounds of fighting came to me. It was coming from on top of the Hokage faces. I leapt from rock to rock until I found myself at the top. Naruto was weakly defending himself against two very strong chunin. I watched in disbelief as the usually ferocious Naruto allowed the more aggressive of the two to land blow after blow on him. The younger boy beat Naruto even while he was on the ground and to my horror Naruto let him. He stopped getting up and just let the boy beat on him. Even here Naruto wasn't free from abuse. My eyes watered as the fire of my own rage activated my Sharingan for me. I moved in a blur, grabbing the young boy by his hair and yanking him to his feet before spinning to deliver a viscous kick to his chest that sent him tumbling across the ground. The second boy backed away quickly, fear glowing in his eyes.

"Kakashi-" I ignored the soft cry of Naruto behind me, my rage blinding me to everything but the fuckers before me. I drew my kunai and the boy stumbled, falling to his ass as he back pedaled on hands and feet, never looking away from me. I switched my kunai to a throwing position and readied myself to impale it into one of the so scared eyes of the fool before me but then Naruto's arms wrapped around me from behind. His face was right beside my ear, arms locked around my arms as he pulled me off center to hold me.

"Don't." His voice was rough with some emotion I couldn't comprehend and my anger battled with the confusion.

"Wh-...I don't understand. How could you-"

"Look at them."

"Naruto, I-"

"Just look at them." I huffed heavily, trying to release some of the anger fueling my urge to kill the boys huddled before me.

The one boy that had been so scared what I'd do before Naruto stopped me had used my distraction to run to his fallen comrade who was laying in a twisted, unconscious heap on the ground. The boy had pulled his comrade as far into his lap as he could and was using his own shirt to wipe blood from the corner of his team mate's mouth, blood I had caused, probably through internal bleeding. I frowned in confusion at the scene before me. The boy being cradled woke with a cough, staring up at the boy staring down at him in confusion.

"Airi?" Tears slipped from the other boys eyes as he shook his head

"No, Gaku. It's not Airi." His words were choked out around a lump of emotion in his throat.

"Hakaru?" The boy nodded.

"Yes. It's me. I'm here." The boy I could comfortably assume was called Gaku, being cradled by his comrade, closed his eyes as quiet tears slipped from them, throat convulsing as he tried hard to conceal his obvious pain. His eyes suddenly opened and he turned to glare angrily first at me, then Naruto, whom he seemed to hold a grudge against.

"You know these boys, Naruto." I felt him nod as Gaku staggered to his feet, shaking off Hakaru's hands that pleadingly grabbed at him. He shook his head and spit a mouthful of blood.

"It's because of people like you-" He shook his head and laughed. "No, it's because of monsters like you. You are the reason good _people_ have to die." I was so shocked, but the anger came back as I felt Naruto's head drop so that his chin rested on my shoulder. It all happened so fast that even my sharingan wasn't enough to stop it. I was too busy trying to look at Naruto's face, but he saw it. He spun me so fast that I stumbled, toppling us both to the ground as his body jerked forward against mine, a sharp hiss of pain falling from his lips. My eyes widened and I pulled Naruto against me so that I could see the two Kunai and three shuriken sticking out of his back. My rage blinded me but I was once again shocked as Naruto wrapped his arms around my shoulders, hugging me to him. My heart clenched at the empty chuckle sounding next to my ear.

"Leave them." I tried to pull away and see his face, my own reflecting the haughty weight of incredulity. I couldn't believe this. The sound of the boy Hakaru begging his team mate to stop came to me faintly.

"Naruto..."

"Just leave them." His voice was thick with a profound weariness.

I didn't even notice that the boys had gone until the young man in my arms grunted as he stood. I stared up at him watching him drop his head back on his spine and close his eyes. I stood, slowly so as not to disturb him. He was taking slow, deep breaths and had I not been as close as I was, I never would have seen the single tear he allowed to slip down his face. A small sound crept up my throat as my heart constricted with so many emotions for the boy, no...the man, in front of me. He let his breath out on a sigh and turned away, scrubbing his sleeve across his face to wipe away the blood, and the single tear, the only evidence of the emotional scars from all he endured. I swallowed my own tears as I watched Naruto lift his arm and pull the kunai embedded in his shoulder blade out, jerking it upwards in such a way that he caused himself more damage upon its removal. My heart seized in my chest as he continued, rotating his arm back and up between his shoulder blades to try and pluck the metal embedded in his skin free. I moved without thinking to help him. He turned his head to look at me, still in the process of blade removal and I knew the resignation and exhaustion in his eyes would haunt me.

"No. Just...don't touch me, okay. I can handle this." I listened to him and watched with a heavy heart as one by one he removed them until he fell into a crouch before allowing himself to fall back on his butt.

"Naru-"

"Did you need something, Kakashi?" I snapped my mouth shut and stared at him for a long several minutes in which he never looked at me once. After all of that, he was still asking me if I needed anything, and I knew he would do everything he could to give it to me, whatever I asked. Tears choked me, stifling all the words I wanted to say. He sighed as he stared up at the stars. "Well-" He suddenly said as he hauled himself to his feet, "If not then, if you don't mind, I think I'll be going to bed." He turned his back to me and began walking away. Even though I knew it hurt I watched him stretch his arms above his head, fresh blood welling from the wounds he'd received that had yet to heal. I winced in sympathetic pain for a boy who clearly could handle his pain better than any of the rest of us ever could.

"Naruto!" I called after him. He stopped but didn't turn to face me or give any other sign that he was listening. Now that I had his attention I didn't know which words to pick from the thousands clambering around in my brain. I wanted to say so much but I didn't know how or when to say it.

"I-"

"I know." Naruto said. I frowned, heart pounding.

"What?" I asked more to myself than him. I didn't even know what I wanted to say. He turned just enough so that I caught a side profile of that infamous smile, the one that made my heart race like it was in it for the money.

"I know, Kakashi-sensei." I cringed slightly at the old title but couldn't help the small smile that crumbled into tears the second he was gone. In the end, he had still consoled me. I cried silently all the way home and fell into a tear soaked sleep filled with dreams of my sweet, ever-enduring Naruto.

 _His smaller frame hovered over me, hands on my wrists pinning them to the sheets beside me. His soft lips traced over my chest, pulling the taught flesh of my nipple into his mouth. I arched off the bed, crying his name._

" _Naruto!" He pulled back and I swear my heart stopped at the positively devilish smile on those lush lips._

" _Yes?"_

" _P- pl-" I had to stop and lick my lips, swallowing several times before I could finish. "Please I-"_

" _Want this?" He finished as he rolled his hips, our cocks grinding along each other. His body rolled above mine in a sinuous wave that illustrated a startling amount of talent garnered through experience. I don't remember when exactly he'd let me go but my hands scrambled along the sheets as my spine bowed, a scream I had long struggled to suppress tearing free for him. He swore viciously and then did something that jerked me down the bed. The wet heat of his mouth closed around me as he began sucking the length of my cock down his throat. My spine bowed so harshly with the intense pleasure of it that I thought it might snap as another scream poured out of me. I fought not to touch him, tearing at anything that came to my hand instead. I had no air to spare for words as moans and other primal sounds forced their way out of me with every breath. I wanted to tell him that I was close, in case he didn't like cum in his mouth but pleasure stole my words, as every swallow took him further down my cock. Oh god..._

I woke up with a scream caught in my throat as my body seized in release at the memory of Naruto. I cried his name as my body carried on to the vivid memories still flowing freely, haunting me as they had every hour of every day since Naruto had so thoroughly taken me. After I finished I lay there in a pool of my own sweat and semen, tears slipping from my eyes as my skin ached for the touch of a man I might never hold again.

" _What have you done to me, Kakashi?"_ His words echoed in my mind and I bit my lip, shaking my head. Me? What have you done to _me,_ Naruto? I wondered if I would ever see the tender side of him that I had seen that night again, and if I could handle the memory of it alone if the answer was no.

An hour later I was sitting at the bar of Ichiraku Ramen, a place I visited more and more frequently as of late in hopes of seeing my favorite blonde. I'd never had any such luck. I ordered a bowl of ramen that I played with but didn't eat as I thought of him. The melancholy sound of a funeral procession pulled me from my seat. The two boys that had abused Naruto so mercilessly last night were holding the front end of a coffin on their shoulders, heads bowed. The boy, Hakaru, met my eyes briefly and I saw the deep pain within that had kept sleep out of his grasp. His eyes were red, the skin around them puffy but other than the water leaking from the puffy swollen orifices of his eyes and the pain held within he held it in. I swallowed hard at the deep wailing of the woman I could only assume to be the mother of the child within the confines of that coffin. I was about to duck back into the shop and ignore it all when a dark blur caught my eyes. Naruto stood high up on the corner of one of the buildings further down the street, head bent as he watched the procession. I watched him until they passed and then I watched him begin to follow them from above while those below remained oblivious. I followed him after throwing money onto the counter. He sat high in a tree at the burial ground that I stood at the base of. I craned my neck to watch him and was so shocked I almost audibly cursed at the sight of Naruto crying.

"AIRI! Noooooooo! My baby!" I snapped my head over at the mournful wail to see the mother throwing herself on the coffin where it sat beside the hole it was to go into. She sobbed so loud that the words of the Hokage were lost to the mourning mother's grief as she said her parting words to the young ninja. "Not my baby!"

She shook off the hands of her husband, desperately seeking to comfort his wife while fighting off his own pain. I had seen many funerals, too many. So, I wasn't particularly moved by this one until Gaku, the aggressive boy from last night hesitantly moved towards the wailing woman, as if unsure of his welcome. The husband tried to stop him but he ignored the older man, falling to his knees beside her. He hung his head and I watched his shoulders shake for a moment before he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He wrapped his slender, still young arms around the woman and began rocking them both until the woman let go of the coffin and turned in his arms. Her eyes were wild for a moment before he offered her a sweet smile.

"I'm here, okaa-san. I'll stay with you." Her smile was weak and crumbled into utter despair as she fell into the young boy's lap, face buried in his stomach as she clung to him. He wrapped his arms around her and bowed his upper body over her to offer her as much comfort as possible. The husband crouched behind the boy with his hand on the small shoulder, head bowed as he finally let his grief show, now that someone was there to hold his wife long enough for him to fall apart. I always hated funerals, but then I suppose everyone did. I stayed there until everyone but the gravediggers had left. I was watching them fill in the grave when Naruto spoke from behind me.

"Gaku Yamanaka." I jumped and turned my head to look at him with my good eye as he came up next to me. His eyes stayed locked on the scene before us as he continued. "The one who comforted the grieving mother. His name is Gaku Yamanaka. Hakaru Watanabe and Airi Tsuchigumo are his team members."

"Tsuchigumo?" He nodded.

"Mmm. She was their only surviving heir." He was quiet for a long moment, tipping his head back and looking up as he sighed deeply. "I wonder if the Tsuchigumo clan will survive this death." He mumbled, almost to himself. My eyes widened. I never knew Naruto had paid so much attention to the clans.

"You seem to know them pretty well."

"I know a little bit about every established and budding shinobi within Konoha." He gestured toward the gravediggers with his head. "Airi was shy like Hinata until her temper similar to Sakura's came out. A cute girl, who Gaku loved very dearly, even if it's too late for him to admit it to anyone of note but himself." He shrugged. "Gaku and Hakaru aren't bad guys either. You just saw them in a bad spot is all." My mouth was hanging open as he praised two people who had beaten him relentlessly then stabbed him.

"Why?"

"Why what?" I turned to face him more squarely but he stayed forward, still watching the gravediggers.

"Why learn the names and habits of so many shinobi?" He smiled then and my heart fluttered as he turned that smile on me as he responded.

"You mean why try to know them when they want nothing of me." He nodded. "Mmm. I can see why you'd ask that. The answer is simple. They are shinobi of the leaf. These are the people who put everything on the line to protect-" He held his arms out and gestured to the village around us, "all of this, all that we have. Even if they don't want to know me now I should still know them."

"But why do you _need_ to?" He chuckled then and I was reminded once more of a much younger, more naive Naruto.

"A Hokage should be familiar with all his people even if they know nothing more than the face under the fancy hat." He smiled as he stared at the all too common site of the gravediggers finishing up before us. "One day they'll _want_ to know me." He jabbed his own thumb into his chest. "I'll make them want to know me." He turned to face me then and the hope I saw in that beautiful smile filled me with wonder and awe. "And when I'm Hokage I'll change it all so that no one will have to bury heir loved ones at such a young age, because there will be no reason to fight. I'll bring peace to this world, just like Jiraiya-sensei dreamed of. You wait and see, I'll prove it." He winked at me before walking off towards the grave the diggers had just walked away from.

I watched him, heart quaking in the wake of his aspirations that when spoken by Naruto seemed less of a dream and more an absolute fact just waiting to be discovered. My heart swelled in my chest for this young man that left me with an absolute certainty that he _would_ change this world as he'd already changed mine. I watched him remove his headband and bow his head as he fell to his knees beside her grave, placing his hand upon her grave marker. His words floated to me as I was drawn to him like a magnet.

"I promise that your death is already not in vain. You will be the wind beneath the wings of Gaku and Hakaru until that strength is no longer needed. I'll change it. I'll change all of this, I swear. You just rest now, Airi, and I'll take care of the rest, okay?" Goosebumps exploded all over my body and tears spilled free as the wind that I hadn't even felt until then whipped the hair back from my face as it billowed his golden hair, twirling the fall leaves around him in a brief circle before floating upwards into the blueness of the sky above. Then the wind was gone and it was over. My eyes were wide and my breath came fast, skin crawling with goosebumps.

"What. The. Fuck." I whispered to myself as Naruto stood and spun, looking in wonder up at the sky as he spun with his arms out slightly from his sides. I didn't realize I was crying until he laughed a pure chorus of sound, one of delight, and suddenly looked at me just as the wind whipped his black clothes against his body, defining the frame underneath. His hair billowed like a golden halo in the brightness of the sun and he closed his eyes, a gorgeously content smile growing as he tipped his head back. He laughed again and opened his eyes to look at me as he lifted his arms higher in triumph.

"Did you feel that?" I was one hundred percent speechless. "She believes me." He laughed a long, joyous laugh and closed his eyes to enjoy the wind blowing seemingly just for him. I couldn't stop the tears at the profound, inexplicably peculiar yet beautiful scene before me. In all my years I had never seen anything quite like this. He walked over, stopping just in front of me and the smile on his face made another tear roll free. I was frozen as he lifted his hands and slipped my headband up off of my sharingan eye to rub his thumb just under my line of lashes and cup my cheek in his hand. I closed my eyes as he leaned in and oh so gently kissed the tears from the lashes of both eyes. When he pulled back I was breathless, and when he smiled even brighter I thought I might actually pass out from lack of oxygen.

"Soon, these will be the only kind of tears people cry, if I have anything to say about it...and believe me, I do. These people haven't even begun to hear what I have to say." I swallowed hard and placed my hand on top of his on my cheek.

"They will." And I meant it. He would one day be everyone's hero. He smiled wider and laughed, delighted by my assurance. He pulled away from me and my heart clenched even though he only walked away to retrieve his headband and put it back on. He stopped and looked up at the sky again.

"Say hello to Jiraiya-sensei and look after him for me. Make sure he does something other than...research with all his spare time, okay Airi?" I shivered in wonder as another quick wind swept his hair forward into his face, making him smile wider and nod. He brushed his hair back as he walked towards me. I was torn between watching him and glancing up at the sky like I would find the young girl floating there or something. He clapped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently.

"Let's go get some Ramen."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N-** I'm really happy to have this chapter to you so soon. I tried to edit out as many of the mistakes as I could but this is a really long chapter and I was over-excited to get it to you so forgive any overlooked errors, If you would. I would like to thank TigrezzTail for your amusing review. They're both so damn damaged, sorry not sorry about that one. I believe that as young as they are when exposed to the shit they see as ninjas they would have a surplus of issues to deal with. I'd also like to welcome those new to this story. I hope you all enjoy this fairly angsty, semi-soft update.

 **Naruto's POV**

I sat by myself on the center bar stool at old man Ichiraku's, mind wandering. It had been almost two and a half weeks since I had come here with Kakashi. The way he'd looked at me that day...I shuddered as I remembered the compassion lit behind the black glass of the one eye peeking at me over his ever-present mask.

"You know, he's been looking for you." I lifted my head from where I had been absentmindedly swirling the now soggy ramen around in the bowl.

"Who?" I asked, eyes finally focusing on the old man. He was frowning down at the almost untouched bowl.

"Is it not to your taste today? I can make you another serving. We just whipped up a new batch." I shifted my weight in the seat and tossed the old man a ghost of the playful smile he was used to seeing. Old man Ichiraku was one of a handful of people who was friendly to me and I felt bad that I couldn't repay this kindness with something as simple as a smile. I sat straighter and forced my lips to stretch into a smile that never reached my eyes.

"Don't worry about it old man. I'm just not very hungry today." He raised his eyebrows at me skeptically. "You said someone's been looking for me?"

"Yeah. Your sensei has been dropping in every day to ask about you." I nodded. Of course it would be Kakashi. Who else would it be? I hummed in acknowledgment of what the old man had said and swirled the noodles around, grabbing a huge mound and lifting them until they were dripping into the now cold broth below before putting it all back down and swirling it again. The old man had been watching me, pretending to wipe the bar.

"Usually you're on at least your fifth bowl by now." I smiled at him but I knew the old man wasn't fooled. He sighed heavily and tossed the rag he'd been cleaning with casually into a bucket of soapy water behind him before leaning on the still tacky bar. "Tough mission?" I fell still, rolling my eyes up to look at the man behind the bar I'd grown so accustomed to sitting at. How had he known I had been out on a mission? Was I that transparent? I could see the concern lurking in the ever increasing number of folds in the skin of his face that spoke of years filled with more laughter than tears. I don't know if it was the knowledge that the kind soul before me had lived a happy, content life or that he was genuinely worried for me but I genuinely smiled for the first time in days. He looked startled for a second, eyes widening slightly before he returned my smile with one of his own. I stood and fished out Gama-chan, dropping enough money on the counter to cover the five bowls I normally consumed.

"Thanks, old man. See ya around." I said with a smile and wave as I turned to walk out.

"Put this money away. You didn't even eat. I can't accept this." I heard a gasp as he scooped up the money. "Naruto!" I laughed at the utter shock in the old man's voice.

"Don't worry about it." I called over my shoulder as I stepped through the curtain back onto the main street. "I got more than what I came here for." I mumbled to myself as I pulled the hood of my new jacket. The pants were black and more form fitting than the baggy fit of the orange pants I was used to but it was harder to see the stains than the orange had been and the more snug fit kept them from snagging on shit during missions. The zip up jacket was a deep red with dark blue stripes along the inside of the arms and up the ribs. I missed the orange and blue of the suits I had stuck to for so long but I had to admit that the new wardrobe was better suited to my line of work, especially the dark colors, it made it so much easier to go unnoticed on stealth missions, as I'd just found out.

I'd also found that the villagers paid no mind to me now that I didn't stick out anymore. Once upon a time I would have said fuck them all and worn the brightest most obnoxious clothing I could find to defy their hatred, dare them to throw whatever they could at me. I stopped abruptly, stumbling a step as someone ran into me and apologized as they skirted around me to simply continue about their daily life. I closed my eyes and breathed in until my lungs shuddered from being so full, the familiar burn of tears tickling at the back of my throat. I had wanted them to notice me, even if the attention was negative. Now as they flowed around me like a river around rock I realized I was either a target or invisible. Would they never see me? I shook my head and swiped away the tear that had broken free before it had a chance to slide down my cheek.

I found my thoughts wandering to a certain white haired nin that I'd been avoiding since that day after Airi's funeral. Why was I avoiding him? There were so many reasons to avoid the man, and only one to give in to his constant hunt for me. I knew he was searching for me, but I didn't want to be found. I couldn't talk to him. I never should have ever touched him the way I did. Our union was an extreme taboo among ninja. Not only would no one accept the union between sensei and student but they would die before accepting sensei and jinchuriki.

I still wasn't entirely sure why I'd been so drawn to Kakashi so suddenly. I had known the man my entire life and up until that day I had only ever stolen glances at the way his muscles moved or captured a wink or sly remark that lit his eyes with the humor of a hidden smile I had longed to see. I admitted to myself that I had always found Kakashi attractive but...how could I act so brazenly with so little provocation after all these years, with so little thought for the consequences of my actions?

" _It was my father. After what he did everyone looked at me differently, so I found a way to hide my rage. That's why I can't stand the way they look at you, Naruto. I understand what it is like to be hated for what you cannot control."_ But this we could control. Kakashi had overcome their hatred and built a fierce, if semi-perverted, reputation for himself that no one could really throw stones at. He had their respect if nothing else. If our evening together was ever revealed all of his hard work would be unraveled. I bit my lip so hard the bittersweet flavor of blood exploded in my mouth as the tears at the back of my throat surged up to burn my eyes. I would never let that happen. A small, pitiful, sound escaped my mouth and I shoved the back of my hand against my lips. The rumble of thunder above me stopped my slow trot through a residential neighborhood I didn't remember wandering into.

"It figures." I murmured to myself. I shrugged and shoved my hands into my pockets, bowing my head to look only at my feet as they mechanically drew me through the light drizzle that had begun to fall. I stopped to watch the series of lightning strikes in the distance, the brilliance of it lighting my face. I smiled, a gesture wiped clean by the ferocity of the woman before me who had obviously swept her young daughter behind her once she had realized who I was. She sashayed forward, there was no other word for it, umbrella steadily held above her and the child cowering behind her. I watched her walk up to me.

"Move." She said as she drew to a halt in front of me. The rain was beginning to pick up as I glanced around me finding no one else around.

"There is more than enough sidewalk for you to go around me, so do so." If she wanted to be rude then I would return the favor. I was not in a very good mood so fuck her feelings. No one else cared about mine. I shoved that thought away as I saw the small girl peeking around her mother's arm that held her securely behind the taller woman's body.

"I said move. You shouldn't go where you're not welcome if you don't want to be put down like the feral dog that you are." Feral? It wasn't the first time I had heard such hateful words and it certainly wouldn't be the last. The girl's eyes widened at her mother's words but were intent upon me. I smiled softly at her and watched a hesitant smile begin to form before her mother shoved the girl behind her. I glanced up to find a dangerous glint I had not earned in the woman's eyes, the stink of fear just underneath. I thought about being a dick and sweeping past and shoulder checking her. Instead I sighed softly and bowed my head, pulling my hood more securely around my face as I took three large steps to the side. The woman swept by me without hesitation and I turned to watch her go, a familiar deep seeded rage flaring through me as she went. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths.

"You'll make them see. You'll make them all see." I assured myself quietly before turning around and running. The hot trails of his tears disappeared momentarily in the cold, pelting rain. I tainted everything I touched, team Seven was the ideal example of that. I would not, could not do that to Kakashi. I stumbled and fell to my knees as I remembered the passion of Kakashi's kiss when the man had convinced me to stay. The cold rain pounded down on top of me in sheets, the sound of it nearly deafening and I shivered.

" _I Care...You are wrong."_ I slapped the side of my head hard and shook it, hoping to knock out such useless thoughts. If the man cared for me it was because he was my sensei and had an obligation to do so, just as Tsunade had an obligation to protect me as a Leaf Village shinobi and citizen. I pulled myself back to my feet and stared down at the tear in the knee of my jeans, an empty laugh falling from my lips as I decided to stop procrastinating. I scaled the kage faces and barreled my way blindly through the downpour, dipping and dodging the branches I could see, to the rusted doors of the old lab on the very edge of the village that had once belonged to the most corrupt of the legendary Sanin.

I stumbled forward a few steps before kicking off my shoes and stripping my jacket off to wring out as much of the water as I could. The water hit the stone floor with a resounding echo. I shivered as I repeated the process with my pants. I lit a candle and hung them to drip dry. My hands shook slightly as I unfolded my funeral clothes, gingerly hanging them in hopes that any wrinkles would be worked out by gravity overnight. I stared at the way the light flowy material of it swayed so slightly. I hissed as I once again heard the wet gurgle, blood welling from the second mouth that formed across his throat in a red geyser and a snarl climbed out of my throat that seemed to echo in the dead silence of the lab, my fist flying out and embedding into the stone wall behind me. I bowed my head, shoulders slumping as hot, heavy tears rolled down my face. I shook my head and swallowed down my misery with an audible gulp, shoving it all down and packing it away into a box I kept in the back of my mind for all the shit that was too hard to deal with. I knew it wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism but it wasn't really like I had anyone to talk to that would actually listen. I fell haphazardly into my makeshift bed on the floor, not so much as a flinch to offer defense or warning as the ground came up to hit me. I chuckled and the sound held so much defeat that I bent my arm so I could cover my mouth, flopping onto my back as blood trickled from where my head had connected with the stone floor.

I extinguished the candle with a small flex of chakra and stared into the ink black darkness around me. I focused on slowing my heart rate as my eyes slid shut, counting each beat as my breathing slowed and shallowed out until it was barely noticeable. 52...47...40...38...my heart was a slow but steady thump, occasionally punctuated by a shallow breath. I felt light and airy, my body as relaxed as it could get. It was a matter of minutes before I was back to thinking about Kakashi.

I allowed myself to ponder the ferocity with which I had watched him trail me, fearlessly ask villagers who turned hateful eyes to him if they had seen me. When I'd returned to my apartment the day after the funeral I'd found Kakashi waiting for me and dismissed him as best I could. When I'd returned the following evening and found the same I'd simply decided to stay elsewhere, snagging my spare set of bedding and clothes. There wasn't much to leave behind so what did it matter to me? If he wanted to stalk an empty apartment I didn't mind. I wondered with a twinge of guilt if he was still sitting there waiting for me to come back. Fuck him I thought and then erupted into laughter as I rolled slowly onto my side and slowly snuggled into my covers.

"You definitely already did." I chuckled aloud. And I'd loved it. Now I had to set things right. Dreams always came to an end, and so would this one. Tomorrow I would go to the Hokage and ask to be put on double duty. I'd do anything to avoid having to cut Kakashi loose just yet. It was an inevitable fate, but it was one I was eager to dodge, if for only a day longer.

 **Kakashi's POV**

Where could he have gone? I swept into Ichiraku's and sat down on the stool in the center of the bar. I scrubbed my hands over my face and released a lung rattling sigh before a huge steaming bowl of ramen appeared below my bowed head. I lifted my head enough to gaze up at the old man who was smiling fondly down at me.

"You had a tough mission too, eh?" I raised my eyebrows curiously.

"Too?" The old man chuckled and nodded giving me his back as he began cutting vegetables for a fresh batch. I frowned but left it alone. I peeled the mask down as I took a huge bite of ramen.

"You going to ask me about him?" I smiled as he asked it without turning around. Old man Ichiraku was one of my favorite villagers. The man always found a way to casually turn away when it was time for me to eat, carrying on as if he didn't have a care in the world about anything but playful gossip and his ramen. Never once had the man ever tried to sneak a look at my face. More than that, he was one of the rare few that offered Naruto kindness and normalcy.

"Have you seen Naruto today?" I filled my mouth with another huge pile of noodles as the old man chuckled.

"Yes." My eyes widened and I sat forward, pulling my mask back in place.

"Does he know I'm looking for him?" I asked around my mouthful, bowing my head in apology and covering my already covered face with my hand. The old man turned around and nodded as he leaned his hip against the bar, crossing his arms, a slight smile on his face as he watched me chew.

"Yeah. I told him but-" His eyes wandered away towards the curtain leading back onto the street.

"But?" I swallowed hard and his eyes refocused on me before he leaned over and snatched up my bowl, turning around to refill it.

"At least you're eating good." There was an edge to his words that seemed to imply something else.

"What do you-...He didn't eat when he came here?" The old man sighed and turned to place a fresh, piping hot serving down in front of me.

"I'm worried for that boy. He's a good lad." I could see the sincerity in his eyes that suddenly snapped into focus on me again. "It's a damn shame. Someone so young shouldn't have to see things like that." I looked down into my bowl and nodded. I didn't need him to clarify exactly what kind of things he was talking about. We were both familiar with the kind of things that stole someone's innocence and youth one sleepless hunger strike at a time. Naruto must have been sent out on a mission and recently come back. Maybe that was why I hadn't been able to find him. I stood and was about to reach for my wallet when I was stopped by a commanding voice.

"You sit your ass back down and eat that bowl of ramen. That's good, homemade cooking fresh out my pot." I raised my eyebrows at him, a small smile creeping across my face that made me thankful to my mask for only the millionth time. "I mean it. At least one of you will give me peace of mind. Doesn't an old man deserve at least that much?" It was only when he gave me his back and began gathering dishes to wash that I unfroze and slipped quietly back onto the stool. I once again lowered the mask and began devouring the food.

"And you can keep your money."

"This a business or a charity?" I murmured around the noodles I had just shoved in my mouth. He slapped the bar with the rag in his hand without turning around and I laughed.

"Let's say someone else already paid for you. So, it's not my charity filling your bowl boy." I froze, noddles hanging out of my mouth. If Naruto was here before me than he'd have expected me to come here.

"How much did he pay for?" The old man chuckled and shrugged.

"Way I see it you got about three more bowls to eat." I swallowed hard and stared down at the few floating noddles in the bowl. Naruto was always looking out for everyone. Tears stung my eyes as I pulled my mask back into place and palmed the bowl with both hands, holding it up.

"May I have another serving?" The old man turned to me with a look of utter surprise on his face. I never ate more than two bowls here at a time, and that was only when I brought Naruto because the boy happily ate so much you'd think it was the best damn food ever so I could never stop myself from buying that second bowl. He smiled at me and gently took the bowl, filling it again. I don't know why but a part of me felt that I had to eat it if Naruto had bought it. Maybe it would help fill my body that had felt so hollow as of late. By the time I was half way through the fourth bowl I decided I couldn't eat another, no matter what my intention.

"I wasn't saying you had to eat all five bowls at once." He said around a laugh. I nodded and pushed the now empty bowl away.

"I'm not. The last bowl's for you." The old man laughed as I stood slowly and lazily stretched, groaning as my miserably full stomach protested.

"He used to come here almost every day, sometimes two times a day. I always teased that one day he'd turn into a bowl of ramen." He frowned, eyes distant with thought and I let my arms fall back to my sides, falling still as I listened. "I don't know when I stopped simply expecting him to show up and began looking forward to his visits. The smile he always wears despite everything...he's really amazing, that kid." He shook his head and scooped up my bowl.

"I've only seen him twice in more than a month. Earlier he-...I don't care what you have to do but the world seems a much darker place without that boy's hopeful smile." I met his eyes that seemed to always know more than he let on. I smiled softly and nodded, a deep bow of the head that I only offered to those I truly respected.

"Kakashi." I turned to confront the familiar voice finding the deep black of his bowl cut peeking through the curtain.

"Yes, Gai?" He frowned sadly at me.

"If you were coming to get ramen why didn't you invite me?" I sighed and shrugged, opening my mouth to say something when the old man cut me off.

"Kakashi is my new regular it would seem." I really wished the old man would have kept his mouth shut as Gai furrowed his brow in contemplation, looking me up and down. I could tell that Gai, much like the old man, was receptive to the unspoken truths one hides, the man always was. As normal he decided to play it off jokingly instead of poking at it.

"Don't tell me you're trying that high carb diet too! It won't work you know. You don't get skinny in the gym, you get skinny in the kitchen, my friend." I raised my eyebrow at his choice of deflections before a genuine laugh bubbled out that had me shaking my head.

"Do I look like I'm trying to get skinny?" I said with a casual sweep of my hand down my lean torso beneath the compression top I always wore. Gai followed the motion and I didn't miss the way his eyes flashed briefly before he closed them and threw his head back, a perfectly Gai laugh belting free.

"Lady Tsunade summons you." I nodded, smiling at the contagious laughter of the odd man before me as I zipped my jacket and slipped my green vest on, zipping that too. I thanked the old man and left, hearing an excited Gai not too far down the street, chatting happily with one of the shopping stall owners. I shook my head and raced to the Hokage building, slipping through the window quietly and sitting with a knee pulled up to my chest in the sill.

"You could try using the door once in a while." I shrugged. I hadn't thought she wouldn't know I was there, it was just a habit at this point. Doors were really just courtesies for ninja. It was damn near impossible to sneak up on the Hokage. I ignored her remark.

"Lady Hokage." I bowed my head formally as per the normal custom. "You summoned me."

"I did, but not for you to stand there and tell me what I already know." She placed the file she'd been reading down on the desk. I watched her open her desk drawer and pull out a large bottle of sake and two glasses. I sighed and slid from the sill, walking around her desk to hop up on the left corner and cross my legs. Normally she would tell me to sit my ass in the chair, which I never did, but today she made no protest as she the broke the fresh seal on the bottle. She poured the two drinks and slammed hers, refilling it and steepling her fingers, eyes closed. Oh boy. This was going to be bad news indeed. I took a deep breath and quickly threw the shot back before she decided to speak.

"The decoder team I have working on figuring out the riddle that...the riddle Jiraiya left came to me and requested that we send someone who was close to him to find the key to deciphering it. I sent Naruto in a team of three to visit the places they frequented during his training in order to see if he recognized anything that might help." I tensed and reached for the bottle, pouring us both shots. I couldn't believe she had sent Naruto on that mission this soon. She slammed her empty shot glass on the desk top before I'd gotten a chance to put down the bottle so I poured her another. "I know." She stood and looked out of the windows behind her desk. "I know. It was so cold to make him-...but I had to. Neither of us can sit still concerning this, the part of us that loved Jiraiya won't let us. We'll both go crazy if we don't figure this out and he spent so much time with him. So..." Her words trailed off and I took my shot, leaning my elbows on my knees and heaving a deep sigh.

"You don't need to justify yourself to me, Lady Tsunade." She chuckled and it went unsaid between us that she was trying to vindicate her decisions for her own sake more than mine.

"Anyway, they ran into trouble and Akito Akihito died in the line of duty." I sat up straight, eyes wide at the casual manner she had delivered the news. She flopped back into her chair and took her shot.

"How did it happen?"

"They were ambushed. From what I understand Naruto convinced Akihito and Eizo to show mercy since their attackers were dangerous but not trained to the standard of ninja. He underestimated them and whilst checking the vitals of those downed in battle one of the attackers got the drop on Akihito." She shook her head and just took a swig off the bottle, not bothering anymore with the glass. "The fucker sliced his carotid artery to shit, along with a lot of the really crucial viscera around it. Akihito was as good as dead before he ever hit the ground." I was speechless, heart thrashing in my chest.

"Oh...Naruto..." I muttered quietly. Lady Tsunade nodded and swigged again from her bottle.

"Yeah. The kid wasn't doing so hot when he delivered the body along with the report." She shuddered and he thought he'd choke on his heart. There was no way that Naruto would have left Akito's body behind. The visual of Naruto carrying the cooling weight of the corpse of a comrade, blood leaking over his clothes was vivid enough to draw vulgarities from my mouth I'd never dreamed of uttering in the Kage's presence. She watched me with a look of sad amusement.

"He's going to need you Kakashi." I looked up at her, eyes a little too wide. Did Tsunade know about that night? What had she meant by that? "Akihito's funeral is tomorrow. Naruto will be there." She shook her head with a small smile on her face. "He's always there." My breath froze in my lungs, only the soft sound of sake pouring into glass and the slight creak and groan of the chair she sat in to be heard. Tsunade chuckled a sad sound, threw back her shot and reclined on a loud exhale, fingers toying with the small glass absentmindedly.

"Did you know that, Kakashi? No one wants him there, they certainly don't ever expect him or look for him. They never send him an invite. Yet he's always there. He goes to every single funeral, no matter if they are shinobi or civilian, every baby shower. If you look you'll find him off in the distance or hiding in shadows." She scoffed. "I was like everyone else. I saw him, paid special attention to him because that's what you do with trouble starters, but I never looked for him. I always felt a tragic sadness for his fate but because of my part in it I never allowed myself to worry for how he felt. I'm no better. I still don't know when exactly it was that I started looking for him, thinking what he would do if he were to see what I did." My heart sped at her words. I watched her eyes go distant with some haunting memory that twisted her features into one of hidden pain, the face every shinobi had if they stayed alive long enough, before she offered me a small smile and poured us both a shot. I accepted the shot without so much as a blink of thanks in her direction, both of us throwing back the alcohol simultaneously. I sighed heavily and ran my fingers back through my hair.

"He'll make a great Hokage one day, if he doesn't die first." I startled again, breath catching in my throat at both her words and the almost desperate shine of her eyes as they locked on mine. "I want him to live, Kakashi. Really live." She shook her head and sighed, one fat tear rolling down the sculpted cheek of her profile as she turned to look out the window again. "He endures, perseveres with some limitless patience and passion I just cannot understand...but I don't know if I'd call his life here in Konoha living." I was having a hard time breathing as thoughts of a Konoha without Naruto assaulted me, followed by rage as I realized Konoha wouldn't even notice until they realized their scapegoat had been absent for too long. No. This was not a life, at least not one anyone but Naruto could choose to endure.

"Did they find what they went for?" My question dropped into the contemplative silence between us and pulled Tsunade from her thoughts, leaving her eyes unfocused.

"No." I swore under my breath and snatched the bottle before she could grab it and poured us both a shot that I threw back before she could even palm hers, both of us beyond pleasantries at this point. Fuck. This was going to be bad. I let my head hang while fear strangled me. How long would Naruto endure before he could no longer bear it? Would we ever find his breaking point, and if we did could I handle how everyone would so eagerly handle the situation? I swallowed down the sound that tried to creep out of my throat and jumped as I felt the Hokage's hand grab my own. I looked up to find Tsunade staring at me like she could see clean through my mask, all of my masks. Her face was pleasantly blank while she looked at me in a way only a handful of people ever had. I felt her hand moving and watched her lean over the massive desk towards me but never broke eye contact. Her hand hovered close enough to my face that I could feel the heat radiating from her skin. My heart pounded in my chest, words stuck in my throat as the one person I had no authority to tell to fuck off contemplated slipping my mask down. For a moment I saw the familiar temptation of curiosity I'd seen in countless faces before gleam in her eyes. I wouldn't, couldn't tell her no...and another part of me thought it would be nice to be seen, wanted her to look on my full face.

"You love him." There was no hesitation, no question, just her stating a fact as she saw it. She hadn't specified how I loved him so even though I felt the distinct urge to defend myself I let the facts fall as they may, afraid I would draw more attention to myself than necessary. She nodded and a beautiful, fond smile grew on her face. I stiffened momentarily as her hand finally came to rest on the curve of my cheek, fingers resting just under my hidden eye. I closed my eyes, soaking in the small show of affection. I had known Lady Tsunade valued me but never had I been blessed with such a physical token of it. Her thumb brushed across my cheekbone just as if she were wiping away the tears she knew I cried by myself. "You are a good man, Kakashi." She pulled away with a content sigh and a squeak of her chair and I opened the eye I had unknowingly closed to observe her staring at me, hands folded over her stomach. I already missed the brief moment of contact but gave her a smile that showed in my eye.

"I look forward to the day where I get to finally see the smile under that mask." She pointed at the object in question and I chuckled.

"I wouldn't hold my breath on that one." It was her turn to laugh and she leaned forward, pouring another round of shots that I ignored.

"Someone will soon strip you of the shields you've hidden behind for so long, Kakashi." I laughed. Someone already had.

"Want to bet on it?" Her eyes flashed with humor and she laughed, shaking her head emphatically as she picked up my shot and tossed it back, pouring us both another and sliding mine closer to me. I picked it up and raised both my eyebrow and the shot slightly and turned my head towards shadow to take it. "I thought you were a gambling woman?" I challenged boldly.

"Of course. Which is why I wouldn't dare take that bet."

"You losing you nerve, Lady Tsunade? I never thought I'd live to see the day."

"Despite popular opinion, I do not intentionally place losing bets yet I always find myself on the losing end." She shrugged and took her shot. "I want you to be happy too, Kakashi. So...No. I do not want to bet on it." My heart fluttered at the subtle, not subtle sentimentality behind her words. The Hokage was just full of surprises today. I raised my eyebrow.

"I can be happy and still don the mask I've actually grown quite fond of." She smiled knowingly and waggled a finger at me while pouring another round, the bottle's contents depleting fast.

"No, Kakashi. Actually, you can't." She locked eyes with me as she personally put the shot glass in my hand. I stared at her for a long time while we talked after that declaration. Two bottles of Sake and a lot of casual, playful banter later I uncurled myself from her desk and stood, stretching lazily and preparing to leave, the pleasant warmth of alcohol soothing. I opened the door and stopped, looking back as the Hokage called to me.

"Yes, Lady Hokage?" I politely asked, all formalities back in place as the door to our friendly bubble stood wide. She smiled and rolled her eyes before a deathly serious look was suddenly settled on her beautiful face.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Be on time." I swallowed at the reminder of the melancholy events scheduled to ensue and nodded turning to leave again. "Kakashi." I stopped but didn't turn around this time. "Take care of him, please." I didn't have to ask which he she referred to as I dipped my head in acknowledgment and shut the door behind me.

I had spent hours searching for the man last night after leaving the Hokage's office to no avail and now minutes before the funeral was to start I saw him. My eyes went so wide I thought they might fall out of my head as I saw him stand quietly a couple of feet behind the many grieving folks gathered. I could feel that he was using his chakra to mask his presence so no one would look behind them and make a show. My heart seized as even now, in his black funeral attire, standing among those clearly mourning he yet stood apart, creating a shadow where there were none under the early morning sun so he could remain invisible for the comfort of the rest. I forced myself to stare at the casket instead of Naruto so that I could remember we were here to commemorate the life and death of a shinobi, a comrade in arms. I had not known Akito that well, only having gone on two missions with the man and sparring with him a handful of times, but he was a shinobi. He could have been any of us.

The ceremony was drawing to a close, people old and young drawing close to the coffin, that everyone knew held an urn of ashes alone, to place flowers of many varieties on the smooth surface and offered quick words of comfort and condolences to the grieving parents who cried quietly but constantly after Lady Tsunade initiated it. Eizo was the last to step up, grief plain on his face before he bowed at the waist, he addressed them properly and went down on his knees. I saw the mother step forward and do the same, running her hand up and down his arm with forgiving words. I ignored the man and looked up and away, searching the crowd for the face I had tried to ignore the whole time. I thought for a moment that Naruto had left when I saw him approaching the grieving couple as Eizo offered final condolences and stepped away to join the other retreating mourners. My heart and breath fell short as I watched them tense as Naruto approached, He stopped a couple feet back and dropped into a ninety degree bow, chest parallel to the ground, hands by his sides. He paused there for a few moments of utter silence before he dropped to his knees, forehead on the ground as he prostrated himself before them.

"Oh Naruto..." I whispered to myself, feeling the man's sincerity from where I stood. A hand clasped mine tightly and I looked down to find Sakura staring with wide, teary eyes at the scene before us, breath coming fast. I realized she, like me, was preparing herself for the worst and for the first time ever I reciprocated her touch by squeezing back. Other than her breath drawing short there was no other reaction. I think we were both just grateful to have someone to hold onto in that moment.

"What do you think you are doing?" The seething rage in the Father's voice as he addressed Naruto sparked my own anger. Still Naruto kept on.

"I'm offering my condolences from the only position I feel suitable." I swallowed hard as the father bristled. "I am-..." He took a deep breath and sat back on his haunches, head bowed still before he looked the man's rage right in the face. "It's my fault your son is gone. I am so sorry! So, so-"

"GET AWAY FROM US!" The man's voice boomed through the cemetery, making Naruto jump but he yet stayed strong. Sakura's hand was warm and sweaty in mine where we held each other tight.

"It was me who convinced them to ignore their instincts, their training and because of that-"

"You are a vile demon, a plague on this village that deserves a fucking exorcism, not the honorable title of shinobi." The man raised his hand as if to strike Naruto who didn't even blink as he stared up at the enraged father before him. Sakura's hand tightened painfully on mine and I realized I'd unconsciously stepped towards them.

"That is enough, San!" The mother stood in front of her husband who released a disparaged wail of grief as he turned away and paced towards the coffin. Both her and Naruto watched the man before the mother looked down at the boy before her. Naruto prostrated himself again.

"Get up, Naruto. Just leave." He sat back on his haunches again, shoulders rounded now in what looked terribly like defeat. He nodded.

"If you ever want to know what happened during his final mission just find me. I'll tell you whatever you want to know." He reached in his robes and pulled out a single white Chrysanthemum and offered it up to her by the very end so that she didn't have to get anywhere near touching him to take it.

She paused as she stared down at him, fresh tears slipping down her face as she gingerly took it. He bowed again and was just sitting up when the father turned around and saw the flower Naruto had given her. Before Naruto could stand the man had rushed over in an absolute rage and snatched the flower from his wife to slap the kneeling boy with it. Naruto's head barely moved from the impact and he never moved as the man screamed noncommittally and beat him in the face with the flower until the pedals pooled around him and the stem was all that remained and still he flailed his arm back and forth hitting the boy with it until it fell from his hand and he staggered back a step breathing ragged. I realized I was breathing heavily too and that Sakura had wrapped her arms around me, holding me in place with her face buried in my back so she didn't have to see anymore. I could here the wife yelling at her delirious husband and whipped my head around when the sharp sound of a slap rang out. The man shoved Naruto who caught himself with a single hand on the ground behind him but never made any move to defend himself. He stood, head bowed and staggered back a step as he was slapped twice more, once forward once back, in quick succession. He took another step back and bowed again, standing straight and, from the father's gasp, making eye contact.

"I cannot tell you just how sorry I am." He gave the man his back and walked away. "Not that you will believe me." He said in parting. I was rooted in place by Sakura, watching him casually wipe the blood off his face as he walked past myself and the several other bystanders I had not known were there. I watched the thin material of his open robes flow behind him in the slight breeze as he walked alone. I looked away to identify the onlookers, unable to watch him anymore. Ino, Neji, Sai, Shikamaru and Kurenai's presence didn't surprise me but Eizo's did. The man stared after Naruto with eyes that held so many emotions that were only made harder to decipher by the wet gleam in them. I shook my head and tipped it back to the sky, pulling in several deep breaths and blowing it out to the heavens above. I felt the cooling moisture of Sakura's tears on my upper back, her arms still holding me in place. She wasn't a little girl anymore but we all needed a little comfort sometimes. Hell even I could use a warm embrace right now. I couldn't bring myself to turn around and hug her, the sentimentality of the gesture too much for the Kakashi the village knew. Instead I stood there and let her hold onto me and quietly cry. After about ten minutes she let go and pulled away, clearing her throat.

"Thanks for that, Sensei." I still didn't turn around, knowing she wouldn't want me to see whatever was left of her tears and simply nodded. "Now are you going to find him or am I?"

 **Naruto's POV**

It had been two days since I had gone to the Hokage asking to be put on double duty or be sent out on a mission to receive not only rejection but be put on leave. She'd spouted off about needing to make sure her shinobi were sound of mind after such a tragic mission before sending them off on another. I scoffed aloud as I finished off my sake bottle and clapped it down on the table with the skeletons of the previous 6 bottles. Sounded like bullshit to me if I ever heard it. I raised my hand to signal for another bottle. I dropped my head back on the overly cushioned back of the booth., staring at the ceiling above. I felt someone approaching, heard the bottle being opened and a shot being poured, then another. I sighed and was about to tell the person I was not interested when hands slid up the inside of my thighs, parting them, a face nuzzling my groin. I lifted my head and looked down to find my favorite bartender on her knees under the table. I smiled down at her and ran my fingers gently along her jaw, watching as she nuzzled her face into my palm.

"Want some company, babe?" I chuckled and reached for the shot she'd poured me after taking hers.

"If you would have asked from any position other than this I might have said no." Her eyes widened slightly and her lips curled into a salacious smile that made me laugh. I didn't care that she was a whore. Everyone in this establishment was, whether they were staff or patron. Her smile was beautiful still and was always genuine when directed at me. I had seen her professional smile so the warmth I felt in the one directed at me was inexplicable, but felt so nice.

"Oh? Be careful Naruto or I might be start to hope I actually stand a chance of seducing you." I smiled and toyed with a lock of her lovely raven hair that pooled in my lap where she had settled comfortably, chin resting on arms folded across my groin. I had been frequenting the red district for a while. First, with Jiraiya for "research" purposes, then out of familiarity and comfort. The women and men who worked in the red district, no matter which village you went to, were the outcasts that people toyed with and used for a price they were more than willing to pay without a care in the world. They all had reasons and stories for how and why they were where they were and a lot of them were driven by some strong emotion or tragedy. Despite all they gave they would never escape the title and rank of "whore", and they gave quite a lot, trust me. They too were damned by circumstances they had no control over. I hadn't known this at first but the more time I spent among them the more I found understanding in both my eyes and theirs.

"Whatever thought put such a serious look on your face?"

"I was just thinking that I've spent far too much time outside of these walls." She chuckled softly and I felt her shift again so that she sat on her butt, side leaning against my leg, face on my thigh as her hands roamed. It was a game I was familiar with, me enjoying her company and her trying to get in my pants.

"Well, it has been a while since you've visited. But one might think you missed me, Naruto." I smiled at the now casual way she said my name. I had asked that we drop all formalities and talk as if friends. She'd said she would but she'd think of our comfortable speech as that between long time lovers.

"What makes you think I missed you in particular?" She rolled her eyes up to me with a devious smile.

"Because you would have pushed most anyone else in such a...naughty position, away by now." I quirked an eyebrow and cocked my head to the side as I smiled down at her, hearing her breath catch.

"Maybe I'm just enjoying your seductions." She licked her lips.

"Do you?"

"Always." I said confidently. I wasn't lying. I did enjoy her touch, our conversation, her beauty. More than anything else I enjoyed her sincerity, that she did her job offering me sex while offering me a softer side than she showed most. I had seen the woman lay a man on his ass with a solid fist to the jaw when he'd gotten out of line yet she was curled like a patient kitten in my lap so comfortably.

She got back on her knees and slithered up, arching her back to accommodate for the table. I spread my legs wider for her so she had room to move and she noticed the movement, eyes flicking down before locking on mine. She placed the flat of her palms on the cushion between my legs and leaned close, the deep ocean blue of her so large eyes blinking only inches from mine. I heard someone call her name and knew she heard it because I could see the irritation flash through her eyes. I sensed she was about to pull away when they called her again but she froze as I leaned in, lips brushing along her jaw as I closed the distance between us, wrapping my arm around her waist and scooping her up off her knees and onto my lap, hand sliding over her hip and down her leg as I helped her settle. She gasped, staring down at me from where she straddled me, a position she'd never been in before. I pushed our bodies together as I leaned forward, my face moving from right in front of hers to about mid chest as she moved backwards with the movement until her elbows propped her up on the table. I reached for the bottle of sake, pausing after grabbing it to look up at her, sending a couple hot breaths across the pale skin below my mouth. Her breath was coming faster with the increasing tempo of her heart. I retreated with a knowing smile as I took a swig of sake right from the bottle.

"You know..." Her voice was a little breathy, "You'd make a good addition here." I laughed, really laughed and she shivered.

"Yeah. I guess if this whole ninja thing turns out to be a pipe dream this would be a perfect fit." A frown settled over her beautiful features and I felt the urge to smooth it away, so I did. I ran my thumb over the barely noticeable lines of her frown until she stared at me with a blank face but sincere eyes. She wrapped her fingers around my wrist and looked right into my soul, or at least that was what it felt like.

"I like you, Naruto. More than a whore has any right to like anyone." A gentle smile played at the corners of her full lips. "I think I'll spend my whole life in places like this and I'm okay with that. I just can't wait until I stop seeing you here." My face must have shown some degree of the hurt I felt at the stinging words she'd just spoken and I opened my mouth to excuse myself before she lifted a single finger and pressed it to my lips. "What I mean is that I know one day you'll mean as much to this village as it means to you and the touch of a whore will be both an impossibility and unnecessary. Whilst I believe they do not deserve you, neither is this a place for you. I'm just happy you've let me know you even as much as you have before you become someone who will change everything." She smiled beautifully and leaned her full body against mine as she wrapped her arms around my neck and shoulders, burying her face in my neck. I was breathless from both her words and embrace. I wrapped my arms around her so slender waist, holding her for only a moment before she pulled away.

"Now pour me a shot." I shook my head and smiled, handing her the bottle still in my hand. She took a long swig off the bottle and I contemplated the complexity and beauty of the woman in my lap.

Her words were both profound and painful. This whore believed in me when she had no reason to yet had no faith in herself. She smiled and passed me back the bottle. I took it and followed her example. She had gone back to letting her hands roam over my body. I watched her fingers toy with the zipper to my hoodie, the pulse in the side of her throat racing as I did not tell her to stop. She flicked her eyes up to mine and I offered her a teasing smirk, waiting to see if she dared continue. How far was I willing to let her go? Not even I knew. My zipper was halfway down before she looked down at the flesh being revealed, leaning back so that she could finish unzipping it. She licked her lips and tugged the two corners in her hand until the jacket fell open, revealing my skin that peaked out beneath the fish net top I wore beneath. She hummed in appreciation and ran her fingers slowly up my abs and chest. I caught her fingers in mine as they teased along my collarbones, startling her from her exploration. When her eyes locked on mine I could see that she wanted me. She really wanted me, wanted to touch me and I was floored.

"You are so beautiful, Mei." Her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard as if trying to dislodge it.

"Don't say such things." She gently pulled her fingers from mine and tried to go back to what she'd been doing but I caught her wrists in my hands and leaned into her until the tips of our noses brushed. She didn't believe me.

"You are."

"I'm attractive." She corrected with a flat, matter of fact tone. I smiled at the irony of it all.

"Yes. You are very attractive...and incredibly beautiful." She frowned again, disbelief plain in her eyes as she leaned back enough to raise her nose into the air in challenge.

"Prove it then." I raised both eyebrows at that. I was about the ask how the hell she wanted me to do that when she leaned forward, small hands gripping my hips to brace herself. "Kiss me." My eyes widened slightly in shock. It was a common personal rule for whores to not kiss their partners but in all the many times I had seen Mei at work, she'd never once kissed them. I had a moment of indecision that was cut short by the glint of insecurity in her eyes at my hesitation. She wanted, I dare say, needed me to kiss her. How could I say no?

I let the bottle in my hand rest against my hip as I reached up to cup her face with my left hand, sliding my hand along her jaw and into the warmth of the hair at the base of her skull. My other hand trailed up her throat, fingers tickling along the soft flesh as I moved close enough that I could hear her heart pounding, feel the warmth of her breath along my lips. I paused for a few moments, looking at the way she looked, eyes closed, waiting for my lips against hers. Beautiful indeed, I thought as I pressed my mouth to hers. I kissed her gently at first, gasping softly into her mouth as it opened beneath mine and our tongues slid together. My head felt light and airy, the blood rush to my quickly hardening cock almost distracting in the onslaught. Her low moan fed my hunger for human contact, that it seemed we both felt, more than the kiss itself because her fingers wound into my hair and when she rolled her hips against me I responded with a moan of my own, hand dropping from where I cupped her face to her hip. I helped her ride me, rolling my hips with hers. My hand tightened in her hair and the throaty moan she released as she broke the kiss was so sexy I had to bite back an echo. I let go of her hair and slid my hand down her spine, marveling at the way her breasts bounced and jiggled as we moved. They looked so soft and supple. My mouth watered but I grabbed her wrists firmly in mine as her fingers began trying to unlace my pants.

She dropped her head back on her spine, a sound of frustration escaping her. I pulled her mouth back to mine and ate away her gasps and groans as I tried to think about how far I wanted to go. I wanted her almost as bad as she seemed to want me, maybe more but a part of me was screaming that something was not right about doing this. Would I be taking advantage? She tugged at my grip on her wrists and when she realized she wasn't getting away that so sexy moan flooded my mouth and I just couldn't. I wanted more. I placed her hands on my shoulders and slid my hands up the insides of her thighs, flinging the long skirt with it's slits up to the hip to the side. She shuddered and gasped as I brushed my fingers lightly against her. We had both fallen still at the light contact and I groaned feeling how wet she was. I slipped my fingers under the thin cloth of her underwear and between the slick folds beneath without hesitation. She writhed while I explored, without touching the spots she wanted most. Her breath was ragged with anticipation and when I finally teased my fingers relentlessly over her clit, I had to brace her upper body with a hand on her back as her body tried to bow backwards. I was so caught up in the act of pleasuring her that when she flung her body against mine, arms wrapped around me so that her nails dug into my shoulder and moaned her release into my ear a loud cry of surprise and delight exploded out of me and I thrust my fingers inside of her. She gasped and cried out and I found my hand back in her hair, pulling her head back so that her throat was exposed to me. Her body bowed backwards again but this time I helped recline her upper body back on the table, face hovering above the so tempting mound of her breasts as my hand worked between her thighs. I rolled my eyes up to look at her face only to find the shock white hair and dark mask of Kakashi on the other side of the table. I faltered for only a moment and played it off as readjusting.

I ran my tongue across the trembling, heaving supple flesh below my mouth while looking right into his one exposed eye before looking back to the woman in my arms. I slowed my pace to something slow and tortuous, making sure to hit that sweet spot not too far inside. Then rolled my eyes up to Kakashi as I tightened my hand to a near painful grip in her hair that drew another throaty moan from Mei and quickening my pace to a damn near supernatural speed but kept it shallow, triggering the sweet spot right by her entrance. He body bowed and her hands scrambled at the table blindly, her body tightening around my fingers as her orgasm rocked through her. Kakashi looked down at her then and I smiled, thrusting my fingers hard and fast before her orgasm had ended, hitting both g-spots mercilessly and her guttural moans and cries escalated to a scream as her body bucked, pulling against my grip on her hair as the fresh release poured over my fingers and hand in pulsing, hot waves that I dragged out until she had no more air left to scream and I feared she might suffocate to death if I didn't stop. When I stopped her body fell against the table bonelessly and a deep laugh with an edge of sex that even I could hear rolled out of my throat that made both her and Kakashi shiver. I withdrew my fingers from her and smiled down at her in satisfaction at the small breathless noises she made before lifting her to lay against my chest while she panted. I kissed the top of her head, careful not to touch my cum soaked hand on anything while gently massaging her scalp with my clean hand that had so brutally pulled at her lovely hair.

"Did you know that you're a squirter?" I saw the shock on Kakashi's face out of my peripherals and barely held back a laugh. She huskily laughed, sounding tired and satisfied.

"I can count on one hand and still have fingers left over the number of men that have figured that out." I let my laugh break free and ran my hand up and down her back in pure joy.

"They weren't doing a good enough job then." She shivered and sighed.

"I almost feel like I need to pay you." We both laughed.

"You can. In smiles and sake." She lifted her head and slowly, lazily sat up in my lap to stare at me through hooded eyes, a wonderful smile stretching her mouth.

"How about kisses? Can we add that to the list?" I threw my head back and laughed before smiling fondly at her and kissing her.

"Maybe." I winked at her and she shook her head with a smirk.

"How does one so young know so much about a woman's body? Seriously, the money you could make in this place..." She let her words trail off and ran her fingers through her hair a couple times, trying to fix herself. I kissed her collarbone and sat back to look at her.

"You look beautiful, I daresay you're glowing, so stop fussing." She beamed as she pulled her hair back into a messy bun and smacked my chest playfully. With her neck and chest so openly exposed there was something even more tempting about her, probably because I had never seen her with her hair up. I realized I liked it a second before her face flashed a deep scarlet red as she noticed the mess she had made.

"O-oh...um. I'll get something to clean you up." I grinned and shook my head, helping her off of my lap.

"No need to bother. I love it." She gasped at the wink I tossed her. I didn't miss how her legs shook as she stood, watching me clean my fingers with the towel already at the table for such reasons with a shudder, lip caught between her teeth. She finally noticed Kakashi sitting there and raised an eyebrow.

"I charge people for watching, you know." He looked up at her and I saw no mercy for the white haired nin in her eyes, a smile tugging at my lips. He swallowed hard and coughed, nodding as he fished out his wallet and handed her a sum of bills that could cover my entire tab plus about three whores. He dipped his head towards her as she took it from him.

"You were quite lovely." His words seemed to soften her a bit as she eyed him curiously.

"You're cute." I frowned.

"Mei." Her eyes flicked to me at the note of warning in my voice and she raised her hands in surrender as she stuffed the money into her ample cleavage, a devious chuckle falling from the lips I'd kissed not minutes before.

"Hey, just doing my job. No need to be possessive." Possessive? She grinned at me and stole a final kiss as she turned away, promising to be back with a bottle of sake to replace the one that had fallen to the floor during our fun time. I finished cleaning off my hand, watching her hips sway on shaking legs as she walked away before glancing to Kakashi who had clearly been watching me.

"Did you like what you saw, Sensei?" I watched him flinch slightly but he didn't look away.

"That is not your first time doing that."

"How many orgasms did it take you to figure that one out?" He gritted his teeth and I ignored the dark gleam in his eye. Mei came back and plopped the freshly opened bottle on the table and two shot glasses, scooping the other one away as she left.

"Is this what you did while traveling with Jiraiya?" I stilled long enough to hear Kakashi swear softly under his breath before pouring the shot.

"Shit, Naruto. I'm-"

"The old perve loved places like this. I didn't like it at first but..." I shrugged, throwing back the shot. "We spent a lot of the time we didn't spend training in places like this. It kind of grew on me." I smiled devilishly at Kakashi who immediately looked away and grabbed the bottle, pouring his shot. I took the bottle from him and simply chugged it, lifting it in the air and waggling it in signal for more, knowing Mei was watching me. The old perve was the only reason I had ever discovered that there was sanctuaries for people like me.

"It also taught me a lot of inventive ways to make people scream." His eye widened and he stopped breathing while his heart raced double-time. I smiled at Mei as she dropped off the bottle and poured him a shot before my own, gesturing for him to take it. "Something to moisten your lips." I laughed at the heat in his eye as I took my shot, finding his gone when I placed my empty glass back on the table. He was quick. I took another shot before I leaned forward and eyed him up without an ounce of humor and more than a little temptation to fuck him the way I might have been fucking Mei, had he not popped up.

"How can I help you, Sensei?" I asked suggestively. I could see his throat convulse as he swallowed hard and his voice was very slightly husky when he spoke.

"Please stop calling me that." I smiled and sipped off my bottle.

"You came here for something, Kakashi. Just tell me what you want so I can give it to you." I knew I was baiting him but fuck it. I was having fun. He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat.

"Where have you been, Naruto?"

"Here." I punctuated my answer with a shot.

"For two days?" I nodded. "What-...Seriously?" I stretched languorously.

"Mmmmmmm...yep!" I cocked my head to stare at him. "Is that how long you've been looking for me?" The way he froze gave him away more than anything. I thought he wasn't going to answer but then he looked very intently at me.

"Longer." My heart seemed to be skipping for joy while anger and something that wanted to hurt him in the sexiest ways simmered through me. I swept over the table and was sitting on it's surface, legs spread on either side of his thighs fast enough that even the famed copy ninja jerked back slightly in shock.

"Well, you found me." I didn't care why he'd been looking for me. I was done being played with. Oh no, now I was going to enjoy being the one to play with my toys until they broke, starting with Kakashi. I leaned back on my hands, letting my legs fall open, looking down at him through half-lidded eyes. "Now, what are you going to do with me, Sensei?"

 **A/N-** This chapter was waaaaaaaaaay longer than I had anticipated but I didn't want to leave off with another funeral and that threw me right into the next hurdle in Kakanaru's relationship and I tried to find a good cliffhanger to leave ya'll at so you got an extra long chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.

What did you think about my OC inserts?


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